100 Tips To Live A Better Life (Part 2)
“The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be."
—Ralph Waldo Emerson
This article marks the 200th one published on MindBodyDad. To commemorate this milestone, I’m breaking down my 100 favorite takeaways from the last 100 articles, just as I did for the first 100 (check it out here).
In the spirit of my goal, to enrich lives through science, experience, and input from the experts, this is essentially a cheat sheet of tips to live better through 10 key areas:
Movement
Physical Health
Mental Health
Toxins
Nutrition
Mindset
Relationships
Sleep
Parenting
Everything else
Enjoy.
How To Live A Better Life (Part 2)
Movement
Hit the Minimum Effective Dose (MED) of HIIT. Research finds that as little as two minutes of High-Intensity Interval Training (HIIT) per session, spread across a few times a week or a longer bout of 5x4 minutes every other week can result in remarkable improvements in cardiovascular fitness, insulin sensitivity, muscle power, and endurance capacity. Learn how to do it here.
Exercise Is The Most Potent Pro-Longevity “Drug.” Peter Attia emphasizes that exercise is dose-dependent for longevity, meaning the more you engage in it, the longer your healthspan and lifespan are likely to be. A study he cites involving over 750,000 U.S. veterans revealed that the least fit group had a four times greater risk of death compared to those in the top 2% of their age and sex category. This was more impactful than any cardiac risk factor.
Challenge your balance. When you work out, incorporate more single-arm or single-leg exercises and more rotation to teach your body how to be asymmetrical comfortably. If you neglect balance exercises, it's like leaving your body's stability defense system on the sidelines, making you more prone to injuries. Picture it as a trio: your eyes (visual system) helping you see, your body (proprioceptive system) figuring out where you are, and your inner ear (vestibular system) keeping you steady. Learn more ways here.
Walk more. A 2015 systematic review and meta-analysis on walking groups found walking participants had improved systolic and diastolic blood pressure, resting heart rate, body mass index (BMI), total cholesterol, and VO2 max. They also showed a reduction in depression. Speaking of depression, another systematic review and meta-analysis from 2012 found that "walking is a promising treatment for depression or depressive symptoms with few, if any, contraindications."
Hit the Minimum Effective Dose (MED) of walking. The minimum effective dose (MED) of walking is 8,000 steps per day for those under 60 years old (6,000 steps for those over 60) with further improvements in health for every step greater than those numbers. You’ll get more benefits from walking quickly and more often throughout the day, as well.
Start rucking. My favorite rucksack is the GORUCK Rucker 4.0 (25L).
Create a dynamic home. I interviewed Katy Bowman, author of Rethink Your Position, who uses these strategies at her house for a movement-rich home: :
We’ve gotten rid of most conventional chairs and have a living room that offers flexible seating options we can customize with pillows, cushions and an exercise ball.
We pick low tables that allow for cross-legged or short-stool sitting when we eat, just to break up the use of so much conventional chair time throughout the day.
Move dishes to low cabinets, increasing the number of squats we do every day.
Add a hanging station—which was more elaborate when the kids were little and now is just a few rock climbing holds on one beam and a chin-up bar in the doorway. It’s been an inexpensive way to add grip, arm, and shoulder strength time to every day, no travel required.
Use the Breath Hold Test to help you know how long you’ll live. In their book, Built to Move, the Starretts break down 10 tests to help you know how healthy you are. The most difficult for me is the BOLT (Body Oxygen Level Test) created by Patrick McKeown. How to do it: While sitting or standing, take normal breaths then do a normal exhale and pinch your nostrils. Time how many seconds it takes until your body gets “a little twitchy and you feel you must breathe.” See here for the range of results (hint: 30-40” is normal).
The best injury recovery strategy may be lifting. According to the author of Rehab Science, “From the research and what I have seen clinically, I would say the best thing you can do to recover from injury and prevent future occurrences, it to add 2-4 days of resistance training to your program each week.”
Use some low back pain tools. First and foremost, address the lifestyle factors but also consider these tools for addressing one of the most common health issues. Dive into how to use them here.
Magnesium. (Two great types are Solaray Magnesium Glycinate and Life Extension Neuro-Mag Magnesium L-Threonate.)
Sauna (I use the HigherDOSE sauna blanket)
Fix your anterior pelvic tilt. About 75-85% of people have an anterior pelvic tilt which is linked to low back pain, intervertebral disc stress, sciatica, neck and neck pain, and sacroiliac dysfunction. While it’s okay to have this tilt, it’s important to be able to get out of it and into a posterior pelvic tilt. Here are some exercises for it:
Glute bridges or hip thrusts
Squats
Planks with activation of abs (think "turn abs on" or "tilt pelvis forward")
The "Tail tuck" or the pelvic tilt
Foundation Training:
Stu McGill's Big 3: Bird dog, Curl-up, Side plank
Consider minimalist shoes. The benefits of minimalist shoes include improved sensory feedback and proprioception, better foot strength, reduced risk of falls and ankle sprains, improved posture, a more natural gait, and even reduced pain. Now, they make minimalist footwear for casual shoes, dressy ones, and even sandals. My favorite are here.
Don’t overthink your body type. Although somatotypes can provide some insight into our physical tendencies and traits, it's important to understand the limitations and potential drawbacks of relying too heavily on this framework. While training for your body type may help achieve body type-specific goals and improve adherence to your exercise routine, it's not necessarily the best approach for long-term health and longevity. Instead, adopt a more well-rounded fitness routine that incorporates a variety of exercises (HIIT, endurance or Zone 2 training, lifting) you can create sustainable habits that are more beneficial in the long run.
Physical Health
"The best way to predict your future health is to look at your current health," according to Naval.
Have shoulder impingement? Change your phone use position. I saw Kelly Starrett, the famed PT and author of books like Becoming a Supple Leopard, use the technique of using his phone in a squat back in the day and I've been an advocate ever since. For the times when you’ll be using your phone, especially for longer periods, do this: with your back against a wall, go into a deep squat, prop your elbows on your knees, and hold your phone in front of your face with both hands. This puts your body in a position with a neutral spine, externally rotated shoulders, and gives you a good stretch. Learn more about shoulder impingement here.
Mitigate wildfire smoke. Wildfire smoke is comprised of 90% fine particles, also known as PM2.5, so named because they are particle matter typically 2.5 micrometers (µm) in diameter or smaller. This size, about 1/20th the width of human hair, explains both why they can travel so far and why they pose such a risk to your health. When we inhale these very small particles they can go deep into the lungs and even enter the bloodstream, increasing the risk of cardiovascular and respiratory conditions such as asthma attacks, heart attacks, and strokes. A 2021 study by Scripps Institution of Oceanography found that "Smoke from wildfires is as much as 10 times more hazardous to humans than similar pollution from other sources" such as car exhaust. The first step is to avoid it, the second is to get an air filter in the home.
Use the air recirculate button in the car. One of the most important buttons in your car that affects your health might be one of the least used: the air recirculation button. This button serves the purpose of reducing the slew of outdoor pollutants, including exhaust emissions, from coming into the car cabin. Learn more here.
Limit absorbing sun through car windows which can accelerate aging. When ultraviolet rays hit your car windows, it's primarily the UVA rays that make it to your skin since glass blocks nearly 100% of UVB rays (except for the windshield which is treated to reduce UVA rays from passing through, according to skincancer.org). Too much of this unbalanced ultraviolet exposure—UVA rays without the UVB rays—means you're accelerating the age of your skin, also known as dermatoheliosis or simply photoaging. Learn what to do about it here.
Monitor and manage ApoB for heart health. Peter Attie strongly advocates for the use of statins and PCSK9 inhibitors to improve blood lipid profiles, especially targeting ApoB, which he identifies as the primary culprit behind cardiovascular disease. Learn more about management strategies here.
Improve your bone density in four ways:
Optimize Nutrition: Focus on protein and meet optimal nutritional needs and total energy requirements.
Engage in Heavy Load Bearing: Strength training with heavy weights stimulates bone growth better than impact sports like running (running is still better than swimming and cycling).
Consider Hormone Replacement Therapy (if indicated).
Use Bone Density-Increasing Drugs (if needed).
Address your tonsil stones. About 10% of people have tonsil stones (learn what they are here). Some ideas for what to do about them: oil pull, chew on garlic, drink enough water, tape your mouth, limit or avoid dairy and sugary foods, use a water pick, and gargle.
Be aware of EMF. There is so much to say about the potential dangers of EMF but the most important thing you can do is to create distance between you and your drives. Here are ideas:
Don’t put your laptop on your lap. If you must, use a laptop shield that goes between your body and the computer.
Don’t put your phone in your pocket. If you must, put it in your back pocket, further away from your goods. Or use an EMF radiation-blocking cellphone case.
When driving, keep it on the passenger seat (assuming you don’t have a passenger).
Put your phone further away when sleeping: The easiest time to keep your phone away from us tends to be the most difficult. Apparently, 75% of people sleep with their phones under their pillows. The proximity of your phone to your body is linked to worse sleep quality as well as higher amounts of EMF exposure leading to the potential increased risk of health concerns like brain tumors. Keep your phone in another room.
Test your nervous system. Believe it or not, we can non-invasively test how our nervous system is doing in a relatively cheap way with very accurate readings. This is important for a number of reasons. Here are some ways to do it:
HRV
The CNS Tap Test
Grip Strength
CO2 Tolerance Test
Get your skin to the earth. Grounding or earthing is simply the practice of direct physical contact with the Earth's surface, which is thought to facilitate the transfer of electrons resulting in improved physiological processes through the modulation of inflammatory and oxidative stress markers. This practice has been shown to improve sleep, blood pressure, HRV, and recovery after exercise and decrease inflammation, pain, and fatigue. Learn more here.
Understand the importance of vagal tone. Here is a summary from this article:
The vagus nerve is the longest cranial nerve in the body.
It has many functions, including regulating heart rate, digestion, immune function, and mental health.
Vagal tone is a measure of the activity of the vagus nerve.
Higher vagal tone is associated with better health outcomes.
There are a number of things that can affect vagal tone, including stress, chronic illness, and gut health.
There are also many things that we can do to improve vagal tone, such as deep breathing, humming, cryotherapy, and spending time in nature.
Ingest The 6 main nutrients for eye health. Make sure you get them all (suggestions here). These are: Vitamin A, Lutein, Zeaxanthin, Astaxanthin, Omega-3 Fatty Acids, Saffron, and Blackcurrant Extract.
Recover better from antibiotics. Here are strategies to recover from a course of antibiotics (and here is why it matters):
Restore good bacteria by eating more fermented food (e.g. kimchi, kombucha, sauerkraut, kefir, yogurt).
Nourish beneficial bacteria by eating more probiotic food (e.g. garlic, onions, apples).
Promote gut health by taking a probiotic, adding more fiber (e.g. black beans, brussel sprouts, avocados), and improving sleep.
Consider using red light therapy. This new health strategy is taking the wellness world by storm and there’s research to back it up. Red light therapy has been shown to improve:
Skin health
Headaches and migraines
Muscle recovery
Pain management
Wound healing
Cellular health
Hair growth
Sleep
Cancer treatment
Thyroid function
Dementia
Stress reduction
Mental Health
Be wary of sleep meds. According to Dale Bredesen, "Benzodiazepines taken for 3 to 6 months increases risk of Alzheimer's by 32% and taking them for more than 6 months boost the risk by 84%. Using benzodiazepines for more than a year can cause cognitive impairments that continue beyond cessation of the medication for up to 3.5 years."
Manage oral health for cognitive health. What does your mouth have to do with Alzheimer's? Surprisingly, a lot according to The End of Alzheimer’s by Dale Bredesen. He writes that "The mouth is one of the most important sources for the insults of cognitive decline." He points to 6 main subcomponents of oral health that are correlated with cognitive decline:
Mercury amalgams
Herpes simplex
Periodontitis
Gingivitis
Root canals
The oral microbiome
Nature bathe. Nature bathing, also called forest bathing (Shinrin-yoku in Japanese), is immersing oneself in natural environments. As basic as it sounds, there is science behind indicating that it is linked to lower blood pressure, better sleep, improved memory, reduced stress, and enhanced overall well-being. On the contrary, insufficient exposure to nature is associated with heightened levels of stress, diminished mood, and an increased risk of mental health issues.
Get cold for mental health. Cryotherapy has shown a range of benefits from workout recovery to an improved immune system to fat loss. Another one to add to the list is managing depression. Researchers found that when “adults diagnosed with depression underwent ten cryotherapy sessions, they showed marked reductions in depressive symptoms and improved quality of life, mood, and disease acceptance, suggesting that whole-body cryotherapy benefits mental well-being and quality of life.”
Practice gratitude. One way is to come up with a list of things we take for granted.
Toxins
Ban the broom. According to building biologist Paula Baker, ”The first step in a healthy cleaning routine is to use a high-quality HEPA vacuum, focusing on visibly dirty areas and soft surfaces. Vacuums should always be serviced and emptied outside to avoid releasing dust and dirt back into the house. As John often says, “ban the broom”. The brands that I recommend are Miele and Shark. These are 2 vacuums that have consistently shown to be effective at trapping dust as measured with a Particle Counter.”
Stop using dryer sheets. The invention of Bounce dryer sheets, originating from a husband's concern for his wife's convenience, has become a household staple. These sheets, made of woven polyester with a heat-melting chemical, provide softness and reduce static, but raise health concerns. Ingredients like quaternary ammonium compounds (QACs) can trigger asthma and harm the reproductive system, while undisclosed fragrances may contain phthalates, leading to hormone disruption and respiratory issues. Research from UCLA found over 25 VOCs emitted from dryer vents, including toxic acetone and formaldehyde. So, instead of dryer sheets, use distilled white vinegar during the rinse cycle or unscented organic wool dryer balls with a few drops of organic essential oils for scent.
Toss the toxic bathroom products. Parabens and phthalates, sulfates and synthetic fragrances, formaldehyde and triclosan, as well as petroleum-derived ingredients and artificial colors are some of the most common culprits in bathroom products. These toxins can lead to skin irritations, hormonal disruptions, and even potential links to many health issues including cancer. Consider these alternatives instead.
Know what to look for when choosing a washer and dryer. According to Paula Baker, “Gas dryers release combustion gases; condensing dryers without vents and that have reservoirs require careful maintenance to avoid mold reservoirs. One common source of mold is from front-loading laundry machines, which can easily harbor mold in the rubber gasket that seals the door. Though front-loading machines have many benefits, such as being more energy efficient and gentler on clothes, if they are not meticulously cared for they will almost certainly be an issue for those with mold sensitivities.”
Don’t use standard air fresheners. One of the primary concerns with air fresheners is the presence of volatile organic compounds (VOCs) in their formulas. These VOCs can be released into the air, leading to indoor air pollution inside your car. Studies have linked these compounds to various health problems, including respiratory irritation and headaches. The toxins in these air fresheners have even been linked to long-term health effects such as damage to the liver, the kidneys, and the central nervous system. Instead of traditional air fresheners with chemicals, try essential oil-based ones like these. Alternatively you could use this charcoal odor eliminator if you just want those smells sucked out of the car.
Your shower curtain is probably toxic. PVC shower curtains contain harmful chemicals like phthalates, organotins, and volatile organic compounds (VOCs). In fact, one report on PVC shower curtains found that, “108 different volatile organic compounds were released from the shower curtain into the air over twenty-eight days.” Even "non-toxic" PEVA/ EVA shower curtains may release potentially harmful chemicals over time, although not to the same extent as PVC. For a safer option, consider shower curtains made from natural materials like organic cotton, linen, or hemp, which offer natural water-repellent and mildew-resistant properties without the need for a liner. Consider these instead.
Don’t use non-stick cookware. The evolution of non-stick cookware began in the 1960s, with a key moment in 1954 when a researcher's wife suggested applying PTFE (polytetrafluoroethylene) to cookware. The FDA approved Teflon, the commercial version, in 1960, leading to widespread use. Health hazards associated with PFOS, a component of PTFE linked to cancer, became evident, especially with scratched surfaces contaminating meals. Manufacturers phased out PFOS in 2015, using undisclosed alternatives, raising transparency issues despite labels claiming PTFE and PFOS-free products. Instead, avoid classic non-stick cookware. Choose US-made cookware, use gentle cleaning practices, avoid metal utensils, replace damaged pans, prevent smoking, and replace cookware periodically for safety.
Be aware of fluoride. The introduction of fluoride into tap water in the mid-20th century aimed to combat tooth decay, with Grand Rapids, Michigan, leading in 1945. Despite early praise, concerns arose about fluoride's impact on developing brains, with a 2012 Harvard report finding lower IQs in children from high-fluoride areas and the NRC linking it to bone fractures and dental fluorosis. The adverse effects mainly stem from ingestion, particularly in children who may swallow toothpaste. The risk isn’t worth some healthier teeth so we avoid it altogether. See these suggestions instead.
Nutrition
Eat the healthiest eggs. When it comes to choosing the healthiest eggs, opt for pasture-raised and organic varieties for a boost in nutrients and a commitment to ethical farming practices. Avoid conventional eggs from caged chickens, which may contain pesticide residues and antibiotics. In terms of cooking fats, elevate your egg dishes by using butter or avocado oil for the essential fatty acids while steering clear of seed oils like margarine, which have been linked to various health issues.
Consider organ meats. Organ meats, such as liver and heart, are rich in essential nutrients like vitamins A, B12, and iron, supporting optimal physiological function and red blood cell production. They also contain high levels of bioavailable minerals like zinc and copper, crucial for immune health and metabolic processes. Incorporating organ meats into the diet provides a nutrient-dense source that aligns with ancestral dietary patterns and contributes to overall well-being. Get them from US Wellness Meats which is a reputable brand or use Left Coast Performance capsules on Amazon if you can’t stomach the chewing.
Hit the Minimum Effective Dose (MED) of protein. For adults, the minimal recommended protein intake is 0.82 grams per pound of desired body weight (equivalent to 1.8 grams per kilogram) daily.
Avoid these cheeses. Processed cheeses often undergo significant modifications, including the addition of artificial ingredients, preservatives, and flavor enhancers. These alterations can diminish the natural taste and nutritional value of the cheese. Examples are American cheese, Velveeta, Cheese singles, and Cheez Wiz. A good rule of thumb is to avoid any product that doesn’t have the word “cheese” in it. In the United States, the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) requires that a product be at least 51% cheese in order to be labeled as "cheese." This means that a product that is less than 51% cheese must be labeled as something else, such as "cheese product" or "processed cheese food." We often see them disguised as “Cheez Wiz” and “Kraft Singles.”
Don’t always have your water bottle on you. According to a doctor who studies hydration, “People who are chronically sipping out of their water bottles do seem to get “thirsty” when they DO NOT have their bottle. I think this is more from the sensation of wetness on their lips being gone than actual physiological thirst (as thirst can be triggered by a dry mouth, and is called xerostomia) and warrants further study!”
Drink organic coffee. Organic coffee has lower levels of pesticide residues and other toxic compounds compared to non-organic coffee. Some harmful mycotoxins found in coffee include Ochratoxin A (OTA), acrylamide, aflatoxin B1, and polycyclic aromatic hydrocarbons (PAH), which are linked to various health issues such as cancer and neurotoxicity. Plus, organic coffee contains higher levels of antioxidants like flavonoids and chlorogenic acids, which reducec oxidative stress and improve organ health.
Minimize your use of seed oils. They impact everything from cholesterol to obesity to CVD to depression and brain development. They primarily consist of the below 8 oils. Learn more here.
Soy & Soybean
Canola
Sunflower
Cottonseed
Safflower
Corn
Grapeseed
Rice bran
Stick to healthy cooking oils (and be aware of their smoke points). While avoiding seed oils is important, which ones are best to use? Three of the best are extra virgin olive oil, EVOO), coconut oil, and avocado oil. They each have specific pros and cons based on factors including smoke points so do your research for when to use them.
Know how to handle cooking oils:
Choose oils packaged in dark containers. The exposure of oils to air and light creates a process called oxidation, which leads to the degradation of their quality and nutritional value.
Store in dark, temperature-controlled areas. For these reasons, it's also important to store oils away from heat (e.g. the stove) and light (e.g. the window).
Choose oils packaged in glass containers. Plastic containers are more porous than glass or stainless steel, allowing air and light to pass through, leading to increased oxidation and a shorter shelf life for the olive oil; in addition, some plastics may leach harmful chemicals into the oil and absorb odors and flavors, negatively impacting its quality and taste.
Mindset
Develop psychological flexibility. In a world where unpredictability is a constant companion, many individuals falsely believe that they can fully out-prepare uncertainty, however, one of life’s strongest constants is unpredictability. Those who have the capacity to adapt and pivot complain less or not at all, have lower levels of chronic stress and anxiety and have a greater sense of well-being. As one paper in the Clinical Psychology Review states, “A healthy person is someone who can manage themselves in the uncertain, unpredictable world around them, where novelty and change are the norm rather than the exception.”
Manage your emotions. Understand that your emotional well-being is within your control, and you actively work towards managing your reactions and responses to external events. This awareness enables you to develop a greater sense of inner peace, as you become less reactive to external triggers and more in tune with your own psychological landscape.
Improve your ability to be patient. According to Four Thousand Weeks, author Oliver Burkeman distills patience into three basic principles:
Develop a taste for having problems. “Yet the state of having no problems is obviously never going to arrive. And more to the point, you wouldn’t want it to, because a life devoid of all problems would contain nothing worth doing and would therefore be meaningless.”
Embrace radical incrementalism. Habits have power in consistency, not in the volume of the task itself. If you're on the brink of breaking the habit, shrink the scope.
Originality lies on the far side of unoriginality. Burkeman argues that a goal of meaningfulness and true accomplishments requires a great deal of patience. You must trek through the mud of the first stage of trial and error, learning new skills, and redundancy in building experience. This isn't a universally enjoyed trait but the journey leads to great things while leaving plenty stuck in the mud.
Focus on long-term results, not short-term gratification. In a world where you can have nearly any "good,” from toys to cars, quickly delivered to your doorstep with the click of a button, the temptation is ever-present. This is made even more difficult given our evolutionarily-hardwired brain which places a higher value on immediate gains and pleasures than long-term ones, a cognitive bias known as “hyperbolic discounting.” The combination of the environment and these neurological powers means becomes apparent we learn that the average American lives in a house 3 times the size of the average one only 50 years ago yet 10% of Americans rent out storage space to house an overaccumulation of stuff.
It’s okay for priorities to shift. The most common phrase I hear during an initial evaluation in inpatient rehab is “I want to walk.” Regardless of whether this goal is ever achieved, it’s only a matter of time until it slides down the ranks to be overshadowed by a longing for a return to independence in those ADL (activities of daily living) that are typically done behind closed doors. Sometimes it takes weeks, other times it takes years but the focus shifts to being able to go to the bathroom and getting dressed by themselves.
Sexy is overrated. Fad diets, new tech, and the latest thing that the hottest celebrity used are all sexy. Sexy sells but 99% of the time it’s more hype than it’s worth. The talk of the town is the newest advertisement for the newest technology and the latest innovations based on popular headlines. But what's rarely brought up are ways to help with the boring stuff like eating whole foods, sleep hygiene, stress mitigation, vitamin D levels, and how to get the most out of a workout. Don’t get me wrong, technological and medical advancements will continue to improve the lives of countless people but most of the time we just get lost in the flashy flights. Fads and technology are interesting but it's the boring stuff that moves the needle.
Ruggedness + flexibility. According to Brad Stulberg, “In my research and reporting on change and uncertainty, I constantly found a pattern: skilfully navigating change – be at the level of an individual, organization, community, or an even entire species – demands not ruggedness or flexibility, but ruggedness and flexibility. It’s an example of when non-dual thinking, or holding two competing ideas at the same time, is essential to understanding the world.”
Understand happiness better. According to Naval, "Happiness is not the absence of problems, but the ability to deal with them. It's not the feeling of having everything you want, but the joy of wanting what you have. It's not about being perfect, but about being yourself. It's about finding your purpose and living your life to the fullest.”
Live in the now. According to Eckhart Tolle, "Pleasure is always derived from something outside you, wheres joy arises within you. The very thing that gives you pleasure today will give you pain tomorrow, or it will leave you, so its absence will give you pain......All cravings are the mind seeking salvation or fulfillment in external things and in the future as a substitute for the joy of Being. As long as I am my mind, I am those cravings, those needs, wants, attachments, and aversions, and apart from them there is no 'I' except as a mere possibility, an unfulfilled potential, a seed that has not yet sprouted." What to do: “ "Ask yourself: Is there joy, ease and lightness in what I am doing? If there isn't, then time is covering up the present moment, and life is perceived as a burden or a struggle."
Handle change better with the 4 P’s. A framework for responding not reacting to change:
Pause -- to create space between stimulus and response, to take your brain out of its threat mode
Process -- what is happening and what it means
Plan -- gather a sense of your skills, capabilities, and resources and delineate what you can control from what you cannot
Proceed -- move forward, knowing you can adjust as you go.
Relationships
How you say what you say is often more important than what you say. As an OT, my ultimate job is to empower patients and facilitate their independence and overall well-being. While the details of what we say can have significance, the lasting impact lies in how we say it. Patients may not remember every instruction or explanation but they will remember the empathy, encouragement, and support you used through your tone, body language, and authentic interest. By using our therapeutic use of self we improve our rapport and our relationships with our patients which leads to better outcomes. Robots, after all, aren’t good hospice nurses for a reason.
Do small talk better. According to Matt Abrahams, “The biggest thing is to realize small talk is valuable A colleague of mine Rachel Greenwald likes to say “It is about being interested, not interesting.” This means the best way to have small talk and to enjoy it is to be curious and to ask questions, comment on things in the environment, or shared experiences. This makes it easier for you and it takes the pressure off.
Eliminate filler words. According to Think Faster, Think Smarter, “The goal is not to eliminate them they're normal and natural it's to make sure they are not distracting. The way that we do that is by becoming aware that we are saying them. You can do that by using your voice memo and listening. There are apps you can use there's one for the phone called Like So there's one for Teams and Zoom called poised.com and they plug in and help you count. The other thing you can do is join Toastmasters. They actually go after filler words really well.”
Recognize why you (and others) complain. According to Will Bowen, people complain for five reasons as remembered by the acronym G.R.I.P.E.
Get attention.
Remove responsibility.
TInspire envy, which is another way of saying “brag.”
Power.
Excuse poor performance.
Know what to do to people who complain. According to Bill Bowen (see here for examples):
If a person is complaining to Get attention, always speak to them first and ask a question that will yield a positive response.
When a person complains to be Removed of responsibility, you want to keep them on task so your response should be, “If it were possible, how might you do it?”
If the person is complaining to Inspire envy, you want to compliment the opposite.
When complaints for Power happen it typically starts with one person complaining about someone else and the best thing to say is, “It sounds like the two of you have a lot to talk about.”
Finally, when a person complains to Excuse their poor performance, the key is to get them to take an honest, non-defensive review of their efforts and do better in the future. You should ask, repeatedly if necessary, “How do you plan to improve next time."
Recognize your immaturity. According to the book, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, there are 3 categories of emotional maturity. Recognize your weakness (use this checklist for more specific points).
Reliable & Realistic: They accept reality, manage emotions & logic together, consistent & reliable, don't take things personally.
Respectful & Reciprocal: Respect boundaries, give back, flexible & compromise, even-tempered, truthful, apologize & make amends.
Responsive: Make you feel safe with empathy, find comfort in giving & receiving, reflect & grow, playful & laugh, enjoyable company.
Sleep
To get better sleep, respect The Sleep Window. The 2-3 hours before you go to bed are extremely sensitive and have a strong impact on your quality of sleep. This lesson has had one of the biggest impacts on my sleep. In the 2-3 hours before bed:
Eliminate blue light exposure
Don't exercise
Don't eat
Don’t drink alcohol
Avoid high levels of stress
Find a way to down-regulate. Do something that activates your parasympathetic (rest, digest, repair) nervous system: read, meditate, stretch, or take a bath.
Eat protein (and not an American breakfast) first thing in the morning. The standard American breakfast tends to include cereal, muffins, granola, toast, orange juice, bagels, waffles, pancakes, and donuts. These are all carb-heavy foods that lack protein and healthy fat. This leads to a glycemic spike early on in the day which sets you up for a sharp drop after the spike which leads you to crave more of these foods which sets you up for failure. Shoot for healthy alternatives like eggs, protein shakes, Greek yogurt, and last night’s leftovers (why are lunch and dinner the only savory meals?). Also, consider skipping breakfast, a.k.a fasting.
If you drink, drink earlier to minimize sleep disturbances. Research has shown that consuming more than two servings of alcohol per day for men, and more than one serving per day for women, can lead to a significant reduction in sleep quality by 39.2%. Rule: Have one hour of alcohol-free time before bed for every drink you consume. If you’re going to drink then start drinking early. There's no quick way to minimize these effects. Time is your friend.
Parenting
“Houses with a wobble” are okay. According to Think Again by Adam Grant, children's development isn't negatively impacted by how often parents argue, but rather by how respectfully they do so. Constructive parental clashes can make children feel emotionally safer, more compassionate, and more creative; handling conflicts as debates rather than arguments can help prevent relationship conflicts.
Use natural sunscreen. Traditional sunscreens often contain chemicals that pose potential health risks. Chemicals like oxybenzone, octinoxate, and homosalate can be absorbed into the body and may lead to hormone disruption, allergic reactions, and even cancer. In contrast, natural sunscreens use mineral-based ingredients like zinc oxide and titanium dioxide to physically block the sun's rays. Check out the best kinds here.
Limit or avoid sunglasses. When we wear sunglasses our eyes don’t get the cue to create melanin, a pigment produced by melanocytes, that gives us a tan to further protect us from the sun. Sunglasses, therefore make us more susceptible to the sun and sunburn. What’s worse is that the cheap kid sunglasses don’t have adequate UV protection which can increase the damage to their eyes.
The four steps of emotional regulation (according to Allison Edwards):
Step 1: Identify the feeling
Step 2: Rate the Intensity (1-10)
Step 3: Name the Trigger (what caused the emotion)
Step 4: Choose a Strategy (coping, emotion regulation strategy)
Encourage the word “yet” for kids. Toddlers are very perceptive to limitations and other’s preferences. When they verbalize these (“I can’t do that” and “I don’t like that”), have them say the word “yet” after the statement. Since they are growing at an incredible pace, this limits a mental barrier to trying something or doing something in the future. This builds a growth mindset and repeatedly reminds them that they have room for growth and opportunity.
Parenting advice from Kevin Kelly.
"For the best results with your children, spend only half the money you think you should but double the time with them."
“Let your children pick their punishments. They will be harsher than you.”
“Try to have as many family rituals as possible, The ritual doesn’t have to be ‘important’ in order to become significant and meaningful as long as it is repeated often.”
Head turns are important. In the article, Should Kids Specialize in Sports, researchers found that the kids with the highest number of head turns in a game have better performance and abilities overall. Use “this is your spot for this position” less and more of “there are two positions in hockey; with the puck and without so get to a spot where you can be with the pick.”
Don’t bathe your kid too often. Today’s society lumps dirt, germs, and bacteria into one big “gross” column but there are many benefits. This tends to be a tough concept to grasp for new parents (or maybe just modern parents). Shoot for 3 baths a week at the max for the young ones.
For parents with young ones: Be aware of de Quervain’s. De Quervain's tenosynovitis, a.k.a. mother’s wrist, is one of the most common injuries that new parents experience. Pain, swelling, and/or “sticking” or “stop-and-go” sensations occur at the base of the thumb where 2 main tendons of the thumb (the abductor pollicis longus (APL) and the extensor pollicis brevis (EPB)) due to excessive up and down movements of the thumb from constantly lifting your baby. Use the Finkelstein test to know if you have it for sure. The best course of action is to stop using it (but that’s not going to happen) so talk to your doctor about an anti-inflammatory like turmeric and use a wrist support to prevent further issues.
6 Signs your child needs vision therapy:
1. Frequent Eye Strain And Fatigue
2. Poor Eye-Hand Coordination
3. Skipping Or Reversing Letters
4. Poor Depth Perception
5. Eye Alignment And Tracking Issues
6. Struggles With Visual Processing Skills
Birthday wishlist hack. If your child has a tendency to come out of any and every store with a purchase for themselves then here’s a way to put an end to it. Before going into any store, talk to your kid about expectations. Instead of buying something for them, encourage them to add something that they like to their birthday wishlist. They can add 1 thing or 100 things (which prevents decision-making meltdowns). In doing this, there’s no expectation to buy something, they practice delayed gratification and impulse control, and you get gift ideas for them for their birthday, Christmas, etc. Make a note of what they want and as the birthday approaches, review it with them to make sure that they still want it.
Make the time. About 75% of the Time We Spend With Our Kids in Our Lifetime Will Be Spent By Age 12. so get into the habit of putting the phone away as soon as you walk in the door.
Dandelion, Tulip, or Orchid? According to the 5 Principles of Parenting, research has found that our tendencies to be introverted or extroverted become apparent early in life and remain with us. The same goes for our sensitivity levels as Bruce Ellis and Thomas Boyce wrote in their 2005 paper, “Biological Sensitivity to Context” with the concept of dandelions and orchids and as 2018 researchers later amended to include middle tulips.
Dandelions (30% of people): They adapt like champs, anywhere, anytime. Think sunshine and smiles, not fancy teacups. These flexible folks bend with the wind, even in storms.
Middle Tulips (40%): Not too sensitive, not too tough. Just right, like your favorite oatmeal. They notice things others miss but aren't easily shaken. Think quiet strength and subtle awareness.
Orchids (30%): Imagine easily bruised butterfly wings. Gentle care and the right environment are key for these folks to thrive. Neglect them in a rough crowd, and they'll wilt. But with support, they blossom into something truly special, even outshining those tough dandelions, akin to “a flower of unusual delicacy and beauty.”
Keep your router away from kids. The electromagnetic field (EMF) radiation shooting out of devices like your phone is powerful when close up but the most powerful device in the home tends to be the router which tends to sit near the TV. If you haven’t done so yet, move the router to the place in the home that’s furthest from your child’s primary area of play and sleep. Babies’ brains are extremely susceptible to radiation given their thin skulls. That router position is a high-risk/low-reward situation now that you know the potential consequences.
Use the PCIT strategy of “Special Time.” "Special Time," is a dedicated time when a parent offers exclusive attention to their child while doing any activity the child chooses. What makes Special Time stand out is that, during this time, you cannot ask questions or give commands. It's an opportunity for parent-child bonding without reprimands, feedback, and purposeful learning. This practice cultivates emotional connectivity, effective communication, and the establishment of a secure parent-child attachment. The overarching objective is to forge a strong, secure attachment between parent and child, which promotes emotional well-being and fosters wholesome development. A bibliometric analysis has found that "PCIT is an effective treatment for a variety of emotional and behavioral concerns such as childhood depression, autism spectrum disorder, language and speech disorders, and conduct disorders." Learn how to do it here.
Infants and toxins. A groundbreaking investigation by the Environmental Working Group (EWG) has revealed that even before birth, infants are already exposed to many industrial chemicals, pollutants, and pesticides through the umbilical cord that are unknowingly consumed by the mother (shampoo, scented candles, lotions, food, pollution, etc.) and passed through the umbilical cord. According to EWG:
“Of the 287 chemicals we detected in umbilical cord blood, we know that 180 cause cancer in humans or animals, 217 are toxic to the brain and nervous system, and 208 cause birth defects or abnormal development in animal tests.”
Kids’ clothes and chemicals. The prevalence of toxins in children's clothing presents a concerning reality. One 2014 lab testing sample of 297 children’s clothing from 14 large retail stores found the following toxins in them:
Antimony (found in 72% of fabrics): This metal is a known carcinogen and is often found in clothing with printed designs, flame-retardant properties, and even plastic bibs.
Lead (48%)
Cobalt (38%)
Phthalates (32%)
Don’t wipe your kid’s mouth while they’re eating. Your kid is going to get messy when they eat and they’re not going to care. When you wipe their mouth between bites they will hate it and they will start to care, associating the mood with the food itself. This means you’re involuntarily conditioning your child to dislike eating with you, eating certain foods, and/or eating. Not wiping their mouth also gives them feedback as to when they’ve missed the mouth and prevents tactile defensiveness down the road. Let them get messy. See this Baby Pillars article for a deeper dive.
To raise confident kids, link praise to effort, not outcomes. Focusing solely on the end result can create a performance-driven mindset, where children feel their worth is tied to success. For example, praising students for intelligence was found to have more negative effects on their achievement motivation than praising effort, according to six studies. Children praised for intelligence exhibited a preference for performance goals, less task persistence after failure, and a fixed mindset about intelligence compared to those praised for effort. This is one of the keys to raising confident kids (learn how to do it here)
Introduce your kids to breathwork. The practice of breathing in purposeful patterns is a great tool to teach your children. It can calm them, amp them up, or simply make them more present. Plus, there are many health benefits to breathwork. Start by using a video to teach them the basics of belly breathing or “balloon breathing.”
Mind-blowing research on the importance of establishing healthy nutrition habits early in children:
The Avon Longitudinal Study of Parents and Children ALSPAC found that there is a “critical time” when children begin to increase their intake of sugars, between 1.5 and 3 years old. This early childhood sugar intake provides a “strong association” between obesity between 7-13 years old.
Researchers have found that greater weight gain, as early as the first 6 months of life, is correlated with metabolic dysfunction (compromised HDL, insulin and glucose levels, elevated blood pressure, and waist size) in adolescence.
A 2022 review reported that “children and adolescents with poor nutritional status are exposed to alterations of mental and/or behavioural functions that can be corrected, to a certain extent, by dietary measures.”
Is it best to wait until my child gives me signals? False. All your child has ever known is diapers so don’t wait for the signs.
Boys are harder to train than girls are. False. Glowacki says that people often point to the fact that girls mature faster than boys but this logic is more evident in preteen years and not at two years old. She writes, If anything, I think boys are easier to train than girls. They can go anywhere. Need to pee in the parking lot? Just pull down the pants and pee on the tire.”
It takes 3 days to train a child to potty train. “The magical 3-day training is not necessarily true. For some kids, it takes one day and for others, it takes 70.”
Don’t tell your kids to be careful. Instead:
Encourage awareness
Can you see how slippery the rocks are?
Is there something for you to hold onto?
Do you see anyone close to you?
Foster problem-solving skills
What’s your plan once you get to the top?
What are three ways you could do that?
What would you do if....
Provide support
Take your time.
I'm feeling ___. How are you feeling?
I’m right here if you need me.
You're made to do hard things
Promote Autonomy
Say less or nothing at all
Everything Else
Be aware of tipflation According to Mr. Manners, “Just because the technology enables an establishment to ping a customer for a tip at the conclusion of a transaction does not mean it should. I fear that ‘tipflation,’ as it is more commonly known, diminishes tips for workers who truly rely on gratuities for their income (e.g. taxi drivers, hotel housekeepers, servers in sit-down restaurants). I also wonder where—if anywhere—we will draw the line. At the rate we are going, will it be long before we are tipping our dental hygienists and flight attendants? Service with a smile should not be contingent on the prospect of a tip.”
Improve your time management. According to the book, Four Thousand Weeks, here are five questions for better time management:
Where in your life or your work are you currently pursuing comfort, when what’s called for is a little discomfort?
Are you holding yourself to, and judging yourself by, standards of productivity or performance that are impossible to meet?
In what ways have you yet to accept the fact that you are who you are, not the person you think you ought to be?
In which areas of life are you still holding back until you feel like you know what you’re doing?
How would you spend your life differently if you didn’t care so much about seeing your actions reach fruition?
Prevent worsening attention. Use these strategies to improve your ability to focus:
Meditate and practice mindfulness.
Do breathwork
Decrease external stimuli
Recognize Attention Stealers: Lack of sleep, lack of movement, poor diet, poor stress management, phone notifications
Step Away: Take breaks, walk, do yoga, or microworkouts.
Get Enough Nutrients: Ensure intake of key nutrients like choline, flavonoids, zinc, magnesium, iodine, potassium, and vitamin D.
Get Bored: Allowing boredom can boost attention and creativity.
Set Ground Rules with Electronics (e.g. put away phones when with kids, unsubscribe from unread newsletters, schedule digital detox days).
Be a better negotiator with these strategies from Adam Grant:
Present fewer reasons.
Start by acknowledging your weaknesses.
Limit the amount of times you go on the offense or on the defense.
In studying expert negotiators, it was determined that for every five comments the expert made, at least one ended in a question.
Always have the conversation in person.
If the negotiation starts getting hot or going off the rails then ask, "What evidence would change your mind?"
What tips do you have to live a better life?
