Psychological Nutrition: 16 Tips For Greater Happiness & Life Satisfaction (Part 2)
"True happiness is to enjoy the present, without anxious dependence upon the future, not to amuse ourselves with either hopes or fears but to rest satisfied with what we have, which is sufficient."
—Seneca
Welcome to part two of a two-part series aimed at redefining what it means to live a satisfied life. If you missed part one, you can check it out here.
How to Improve Life Satisfaction
9. Dive Deep Into Emotional Granularity
Acknowledging and embracing a variety of emotions contributes to improved happiness and life satisfaction. Experiencing and accepting emotions, even those considered negative, allows us to gain a deeper understanding of ourselves and our needs. This emotional granularity (a.k.a. emotional differentiation)—the ability to identify and distinguish between different emotions—enhances emotional intelligence and leads to more effective coping strategies. For instance, recognizing the difference between feeling sad and feeling disappointed can help individuals address the root cause of their feelings and take appropriate actions to improve their emotional state.
The Emotional Granularity Wheel
Research has found that emotional granularity is linked to healthy psychosocial adjustment while “schizophrenia, borderline personality disorder, major depression, autism, and alcohol problems are associated with lower levels of [emotional granularity]”.
More research indicates that
”Resilient individuals may possess complex understandings of their positive emotions (reflecting higher positive emotional granularity) and use this knowledge to flexibly and resourcefully adapt in response to negative circumstances….Positive emotional granularity, then, may be a mechanism by which resilient people achieve superior coping abilities.”
Do this: Get a better understanding of your emotions through these emotion wheels pictured above. Being married to a psychologist, we have a lot of discussions about emotions in our house. We use these magnetic emotional granularity wheels hanging on our fridge as reminders and a great visual to help teach our kids about the depth of the soul.
10. Avoid Toxic Positivity & Emotion Suppression
Toxic positivity is the relentless promotion of positive thinking while dismissing and invalidating genuine negative emotions. While maintaining an optimistic outlook has its benefits, an overemphasis on this “life is perfect” mood can lead to harmful effects on mental health and overall life satisfaction.
Toxic positivity involves emotional suppression, a process where people consciously or unconsciously avoid acknowledging or expressing negative emotions. Emotional suppression can lead to various psychological issues, including anxiety, depression, and diminished emotional regulation. According to a study,
“our results consistently revealed that the habitual suppression of emotions was associated with lower relationship satisfaction and subjective well-being…”
Suppressing emotions can have severe consequences for physical health. Chronic emotional suppression is associated with an increased risk of various health issues, including cardiovascular diseases and cancer. One notable study in the Journal of Psychosomatic Research followed people for 12 years and found that those who bottled up their emotions were 35% more likely to die from any cause during that timeframe compared to those who expressed their emotions more freely. Specifically, for deaths from cancer, people with high emotional suppression were 70% more likely to die compared to the low suppression group.
Ignoring or invalidating negative emotions can prevent individuals from processing and resolving underlying issues. As psychologist Susan David notes, "Discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life." Embracing all emotions, rather than striving for perpetual positivity, allows for a more balanced and authentic life.
Do this: If you’ve been suppressing your emotions all your life, pulling a 180 will be challenging. Maybe you’re a people pleaser, a perfectionist (see above), or in an abusive relationship. For these situations, seek help from a trained therapist who can guide you through the process.
Learn to express your thoughts openly and not be overly concerned with others' perceptions. This spotlight effect—where we overestimate how much others notice our actions and mistakes—can exacerbate feelings of inadequacy and fear of judgment. The book The First Rule of Mastery by Michael Gervais provides a deeper dive into understanding and expressing your emotions by overcoming the fear of judgment and developing a healthier emotional life.
11. Hit the Foundational Components
A life of high satisfaction aligns closely with the practices of our ancestors, whose lifestyles were naturally structured to meet their physical, emotional, and psychological needs. Modern research supports the idea that the foundations of well-being—socialization, exercise, nutrition, sunlight, adequate sleep, and nature immersion—are crucial for a fulfilling life.
Socialization is essential for happiness, providing emotional support and a sense of belonging. Lack of social connection is linked to increased risks of depression, anxiety, and even cognitive decline as America’s Loneliness Epidemic is teaching us.
Movement & Exercise improves both physical and mental health by releasing endorphins, reducing anxiety and depression, and enhancing cognitive function. See this workout guide for where to start.
Nutrition plays a crucial role in mental and physical health. A balanced diet rich in fruits, vegetables, and lean proteins can improve mood and energy levels. Conversely, poor nutrition can contribute to mental health issues and diminish overall well-being.
Exposure to sunlight regulates mood and maintains vitamin D levels, which are linked to improved mental health. You can also modify your home and consider using a SAD lamp to use light to your advantage—read more here.
Nature immersion (a.k.a. forest bathing or nature bathing) lowers stress, improves mood, and enhances well-being. Not enough nature, a.k.a. Nature Deficit Disorder, is associated with a host of poor mental health factors including depression, anxiety, aggression, and even diminished use of our senses.
Adequate high-quality sleep is crucial for cognitive function, emotional regulation, and overall health. Read here for strategies on how to maximize your sleep quality.
Start small, be consistent, and see the change.
12. Overcome Hedonic Adaptation
Hedonic adaptation, also known as the "hedonic treadmill," describes the human tendency to return to a baseline level of happiness regardless of major positive or negative events or life changes. This psychological phenomenon is observed in various contexts, from enjoying an ice cream cone to receiving a job promotion. Researchers have even studied vacationers' experiences and found that the happiest moment tends to occur around the 43rd hour of the trip. Although the subsequent days still bring joy, each day’s happiness slightly diminishes due to habituation. This gradual decline in happiness highlights how quickly we adapt to new circumstances and seek new sources of pleasure to maintain our happiness levels.
People tend to fall into two categories regarding hedonic adaptation: explorers and exploiters. Explorers constantly seek new experiences, such as trying new foods or traveling to unfamiliar destinations, which allows them to adapt quickly to the joys of life. On the other hand, exploiters find satisfaction in routine and familiar pleasures, repeating enjoyable experiences like visiting the same restaurant or vacation spot. While this is a wide spectrum, it gives insight into our personality and how we approach life and happiness.
Do this: To counteract hedonic adaptation and sustain happiness, practice dishabituation—breaking the habituation cycle through deliberate strategies.
Don’t always buy the fancy stuff. This could be first-class tickets, an expensive dinner, or the best tickets to the show. This can reset your appreciation for everyday comforts and reduce the risk of taking them for granted.
Embrace minimalism. Declutter room by room and buy less stuff.
Volunteer. Give back in a face-to-face manner.
Try new things. See the section on curiosity.
13. Be Mindful
Attention acts like a flashlight, illuminating the aspects of our lives that we choose to focus on. Contrary to popular belief, our brains are not equipped to handle multitasking effectively. When we spread our attention thin, we diminish our capacity to truly appreciate any one thing, leading to a fragmented and less fulfilling experience. Studies show that our minds wander 46.9% of the time, often drifting into thoughts about the past, which can evoke regret and sadness, or the future, sparking anxiety and fear. In contrast, peace and joy are rooted in the present moment. By honing our ability to concentrate on the here and now, we can significantly enhance our happiness and well-being.
Do this:
Find joy in the little stuff. Arthur Brooks, in his book From Strength to Strength, emphasizes the importance of finding joy in these smaller experiences. He suggests that true satisfaction arises not from pursuing ever-greater goals but from appreciating the details of our daily lives.
Find flow. Achieving a flow state, where one is deeply immersed and enjoying an activity, represents an intensified form of attention that can significantly elevate our sense of happiness. To achieve flow, find activities that you are passionate about and that match your skill level..
Do the three things challenge. Every day pick one action you are doing and dive into the minutiae by identifying three new things about it. Your morning coffee is still your morning coffee but turn into a coffee snob for a bit. How is it different from yesterday? What does it feel like? What flavors do you taste? (Sidenote: there are over 800 aromatic and flavor compounds in coffee and only 200 in wine).
Make a list of 100 simple pleasures in life.
14. Be More Curious
Attention is critical to happiness, but it's not the only piece of the puzzle. Curiosity plays an equally important role. While attention helps us focus, curiosity drives us to explore, question, and learn. This "stop-and-think" phenomenon engages our frontal lobe, fostering deeper understanding, motivating us to innovate and grow, and improving happiness, purpose, and satisfaction. According to research, maintaining an active curiosity can enhance relationships, achievements, and our overall happiness.
Curiosity is an innate skill, but it diminishes with age, which means we must continually strive to ask "why" instead of accepting the state of things. Studies show that children ask approximately 40,000 questions between the ages of 2 and 5, indicating their natural curiosity, however, as we age, societal pressures, our school system, and routines can stifle this inquisitiveness. To counteract this, we need to make a conscious effort to rekindle our curiosity, which has been shown to promote neuroplasticity and lifelong learning.
Do this:
Ask questions. Make it a habit to ask questions about things you encounter daily. Whether it’s something you read, a task you’re performing, or a new concept you come across, always ask why, how, and what if.
Pursue new interests. Dedicate time to explore new hobbies or topics that intrigue you. Learn a new language, a new sport, an instrument, or just dive into a historical period you know little about.
Read widely. Reading books, articles, or listening to podcasts outside of your usual interests. I recommend these.
Travel and explore. Make a bucket list, explore each area, and book that flight.
15. Avoid Identity Foreclosure & the Performance Trap
Many of us define ourselves by our achievements, constantly chasing promotions, Strava segment PRs, likes and followers on social media, or public recognition, believing that success equals happiness. But this performance-based identity can leave you perpetually unsatisfied.
Focusing on performance, however, creates contingent self-worth, where your value hinges on external validation. Statements like, "If I close the deal, get the promotion, see A’s on my kid’s report card...then I'll feel good about myself," set up a relentless cycle of chasing achievements, leaving little joy in the journey itself.
That being said, pursuing high performance and excellence is not in itself a negative thing. Challenging ourselves and pushing our boundaries are crucial for understanding our potential and capabilities, however, when external validation becomes the primary motivator, the pursuit of excellence can turn toxic. The joy derived from achievements becomes fleeting, and the satisfaction is short-lived as the focus shifts to the next goal, perpetuating a cycle of perpetual dissatisfaction.
This issue often starts early in life, particularly between the ages of 12-18, when we commit to a single identity—like being the scholar, the athlete, the musician, the fashionable one, or the influencer with a million followers—limiting their growth and leading to identity foreclosure. This premature commitment prevents the exploration of other interests and possibilities, creating a narrow self-concept based solely on success in one area. As Michael Gervais writes in The First Rule of Mastery, “‘I am an athlete’ may be one of the seemingly benign yet radically gross limiting statements a young person can say.” This early commitment stunts exploration and ties happiness to external success, dooming long-term satisfaction.
Do this:
Diversify your identity. Engage in activities purely for enjoyment, not for external validation. Do things that don't have a performance metric—like reading, hiking, or creative hobbies. Challenge the notion that your worth is tied to achievements by focusing on personal growth and learning.
Shift your focus from approval to purpose. Instead of asking "How well did I do?" ask "What value am I creating?"
Embrace a learner’s mindset. Distinguish "This is who I am" from "This is who I am at this moment and I am constantly evolving." Daniel Gilbert's "End of History Illusion" highlights our tendency to underestimate future personal changes, mistakenly thinking we've reached our final form. His research shows that people often acknowledge past changes but predict minimal future changes, limiting personal growth. Adopting this mindset helps us view our abilities as evolving, fostering ongoing development and fulfillment.
For parents, establish a broad base of identity in your children. Focus on your children’s core values (see above), relationships, etc. as the basis of their identity instead of their intelligence, sports accolades, musical abilities, etc.
Praise effort over outcome. Learn how to do that here.
16. Remember That You’ll Die
Memento mori—Latin for "remember you will die"—is an ancient practice that encourages mindfulness of our mortality. Contrary to what your visceral reaction to this title may have been, regularly contemplating death isn't morbid, but life-affirming. Research supports this, showing that people who engage in memento mori practices often report higher levels of gratitude and life satisfaction. For instance, a study found that people who reflect on their mortality are more likely to appreciate life’s small pleasures and be more grateful for what they have. The authors write, "
“When one is pushed past their defenses of denying their own death, people tend to recognize ‘what might not be’ and become more grateful for the life they now experience.”
It’s often in moments where someone has nearly lost everything—the cancer diagnosis, the deathbed conversations, almost getting hit by a car, a child nearly dying—that people tend to experience a heightened existential awareness, leading them to have profound realizations and turn their lives around. When Bill Gates was diagnosed with cancer, he said
"Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart."
Reflecting on death allows us to zoom out and realize our insignificance and inevitable forgetfulness. As the English writer G.K. Chesterton wrote, "Life is not only a pleasure but a kind of eccentric privilege." Understanding this mortality salience, those who embrace memento mori are less likely to sweat the small stuff and more inclined to prioritize what truly matters, including relationships, personal growth, and contributions to something greater than themselves. To pull another quote from Bill Gates:
"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition."
Do this:
Download the Memento Mori app. Every day I see a widget from the app, Memento Mori (Android, Apple), telling me that I have about 34 years to live, adjoined by a motivating quote by a stoic philosopher.
Do a negative visualization. This Stoic philosophy practice involves contemplating the loss of things we cherish to appreciate them more fully and reduce anxiety about potential future hardships. You can do this in a variety of ways from contemplating your body in the ground after death, the loss of life of a family member or spouse, or the most gut-wrenching for me, the death of one of my kids. Sounds terrible but that first hug after the visualization is incredible.
Have a visual reminder. Buy a memento mori poster where you actively mark the passing of time as a visual reminder.
Daily reflection. Spend a few minutes each day reflecting on the impermanence of life and fostering a sense of existential gratitude.
This article was reviewed by Courtney Comly, PsyD.
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