7 Signs You’re an Emotionally Strong Person
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"Life doesn't get easier or more forgiving, we get stronger and more resilient."
—Steve Maraboli
Emotional resilience is that vague yet powerful combination of words that are often attributed to war heroes and cancer survivors. Yet, each person has the capacity to develop the tools to navigate life's ups and downs with strength and grace.
Today, I’ll delve into the signs of an emotionally strong person and how they differ from someone who is emotionally fragile. By understanding and adopting these mental habits, you will gain valuable insights and practical strategies to tap into your own reservoir of resilience. These strategies will empower you to confront challenges head-on, bounce back from setbacks, and maintain a positive mindset.
Signs Of Emotional Strength & Resilience
1. You Have Psychological Flexibility
The greatest form of mental toughness is the ability to handle uncertainty. You recognize that uncertainty is an inherent part of the human experience and that no amount of preparation can completely eliminate it. Instead of being overwhelmed or paralyzed by the unknown, you embrace the challenges and changes that come your way, ready to adjust your strategies and mindset as needed.
In a world where unpredictability is a constant companion, many individuals falsely believe that they can fully out-prepare uncertainty, however, one of life’s strongest constants is unpredictability. Those who have the capacity to adapt and pivot complain less or not at all, have lower levels of chronic stress and anxiety and have a greater sense of well-being. As one paper in the Clinical Psychology Review states, “A healthy person is someone who can manage themselves in the uncertain, unpredictable world around them, where novelty and change are the norm rather than the exception.”
2. You Cultivate a Growth Mindset
Carol Dweck, the renowned psychologist and researcher, began studying growth and fixed mindsets 30 years ago with students. In that time, the field exploded and now it’s well-established that having a growth mindset is associated with academic success, creativity, relationships, mental health, and resilience.
Those who are emotionally strong possess this growth mindset, the belief that your abilities can be developed through hard work and dedication. Instead of viewing setbacks as failures, you see them as stepping stones on your path to success. You embrace challenges, persevere through obstacles, and continuously seek opportunities for self-improvement. You use a psychological technique of “reframing” to mentally shift these situations and use them as catalysts for personal growth.
A fixed mindset, on the other hand, is the belief that your abilities are fixed and cannot change. Instead of thinking “Failure is an opportunity to improve,” those with a fixed mindset think "Failure means I’m not good enough.”
By embracing difficulties, you exercise the skills inherent in all humans to push past your comfort zones and confront challenges head-on. This mindset is a form of compound interest where new skills and opportunities beget new skills and opportunities with the further benefit of improving your health, knowledge, and ability to face adversity.
3. You Maintain Healthy Boundaries
Setting and recognizing boundaries demonstrates a deep understanding of your own needs, values, and limitations. It also allows you to protect your well-being and preserve your energy. By defining and asserting your boundaries, you create a healthy framework for your relationships and daily life, ensuring that your needs are met and your values are respected.
When you clearly define your boundaries, you create a sense of safety and security, both for yourself and for those around you. It enables you to maintain healthy relationships built on mutual respect, trust, and understanding, while also preventing emotional exhaustion and burnout. You can say “no” easily, knowing that this decision is a “yes” to your values and priorities.
4. You Take Responsibility for Your Emotions
You understand that your emotional well-being is within your control, and you actively work towards managing your reactions and responses to external events. This awareness enables you to develop a greater sense of inner peace, as you become less reactive to external triggers and more in tune with your own psychological landscape.
As Victor Frankel famously wrote,
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space lies our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom."
Rather than blaming others or circumstances for how you feel, you acknowledge that you have the power to choose your emotional state.
5. You Focus on Long-Term Results, Not Short-Term Gratification
Those who are mentally strong possess a distinct mindset that allows them to look beyond immediate pleasures and consider the bigger picture. Instead of seeking instant gratification that may provide fleeting satisfaction, you understand the value of making choices and taking actions that contribute to your long-term goals and aspirations.
In a world where you can have nearly any "good,” from toys to cars, quickly delivered to your doorstep with the click of a button, the temptation is ever-present. This is made even more difficult given our evolutionarily-hardwired brain which places a higher value on immediate gains and pleasures than long-term ones, a cognitive bias known as “hyperbolic discounting.” The combination of the environment and these neurological powers means becomes apparent we learn that the average American lives in a house 3 times the size of the average one only 50 years ago yet 10% of Americans rent out storage space to house an overaccumulation of stuff.
With this focus on long-term results over short-term gratification, you demonstrate discipline, perseverance, and grit. By constantly resisting impulsive decisions and distractions, you endure temporary discomfort in the present because you recognize that it can lead to greater rewards and personal growth in the future.
6. Others’ Validation Has Little Impact on Your Behavior
Emotionally resilient people are not dependent on others' validation or approval to determine their self-worth or shape their behavior. You recognize that your worth is intrinsic, and you rely on your own values and principles to guide your actions. While feedback and input from others can be valuable, you maintain a strong sense of self and make decisions based on your own beliefs and convictions.
7. You Celebrate Action, Not Perfection
Humans owe a great deal of gratitude to the powerhouse behind our success: the brain. It has propelled us from single-cell organisms to moon explorers. However, when the brain becomes trapped by societal pressures and its own mechanisms, it can work against us. Whether it's “paralysis by analysis” or fear, untapped potential becomes the unfortunate outcome—an inability to confront a calling that beckons us. Myles Munroe summed this up aptly by stating, "The biggest tragedy in life is not death but living a life without purpose, without reaching your true potential."
Countless examples illustrate this untapped potential. Take Christopher Logan, renowned as the "smartest man in the world" with an IQ hovering around 200, who finds himself employed as a mere bar bouncer, unable to harness his remarkable abilities. Then there are the likes of Harper Lee and J.D. Salinger, authors of iconic novels, who withhold their literary talents from the world for decades or indefinitely. Athletes blessed with the perfect blend of natural talent and nurturing excel in their respective sports only to abruptly abandon their pursuits.
While some of these decisions are purposeful and commendable, driven by considerations of mental or physical health, or prioritizing family, often it is the fear of failure, criticism, or the shadows within that lead to inaction.
Instead of fixating on perfection, those who possess mental strength find cause for celebration in action and progress, acknowledging their achievements along the way. They recognize setbacks as a natural part of the journey and celebrate the value of small steps forward.
Summary
Emotional resilience is a powerful trait that everyone has the capacity to develop. By cultivating habits such as psychological flexibility, a growth mindset, maintaining healthy boundaries, taking responsibility for one's emotions, prioritizing long-term results over short-term gratification, being less dependent on others' validation, and celebrating action rather than fixating on perfection, individuals can tap into their resilience. These habits empower them to confront challenges, bounce back from setbacks, and maintain a positive mindset, ultimately navigating life's ups and downs with strength and grace.
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