“Special Time” & PCIT: 5 Minutes To Better Behaviors
This article was reviewed by Courtney Comly, PsyD.
"The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice."
—Peggy O'Mara
My wife, a psychologist who has worked with children who have been the victims of trauma for much of her career, was the first to teach me about “Special Time.” At first, I wrote it off as a fluff fad that’s part of the latest parenting trend. Then I learned more about the science, heard the success stories, and started to use it with my own kids (with some struggles at first). Now I’m a believer.
The concept comes from Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT), a science-based approach that emphasizes positive interactions and effective communication between parents and their children. Special Time is a technique that lies at the heart of PCIT which holds the potential to strengthen the parent-child bond and foster healthy development.
In this article, we delve into the concept of Special Time within the context of PCIT, explore the scientific foundations supporting its efficacy, and provide practical insights into its implementation.
What Is Special Time and PCIT?
"Special Time," is a dedicated time when a parent offers exclusive attention to their child while doing any activity the child chooses. What makes Special Time stand out is that, during this time, you cannot ask questions or give commands. It's an opportunity for parent-child bonding without reprimands, feedback, and purposeful learning. This practice cultivates emotional connectivity, effective communication, and the establishment of a secure parent-child attachment. The overarching objective is to forge a strong, secure attachment between parent and child, which promotes emotional well-being and fosters wholesome development.
This Special Time is a cornerstone of Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT) which was developed in the 1970s by Dr. Sheila Eyberg and her colleagues. PCIT is a therapeutic intervention tailored to address behavioral and emotional issues in young children, all while nurturing the parent-child relationship. This structured methodology blends behavioral therapy techniques with a focus on nurturing attachment bonds. Within the PCIT framework, Special Time emerges as a foundational component. Anchored in attachment theory and behavioral principles, Special Time establishes a structured context wherein parents provide undivided attention, participating in activities of the child's choosing.
The Science Behind Special Time
The efficacy of Parent-Child Interaction Therapy, including Special Time, is supported by various research studies. A bibliometric analysis has found that "PCIT is an effective treatment for a variety of emotional and behavioral concerns such as childhood depression, autism spectrum disorder, language and speech disorders, and conduct disorders." Further, PCIT, and the incorporation of Special Time, has proven effective for a variety of conditions such as oppositional defiant disorder (ODD), ADHD, and trauma.
Attachment theory, pioneered by emotional connection researcher John Bowlby, underscores the critical role of early parent-child relationships in shaping emotional and social development. Neurobiological research has revealed that positive interactions between parents and children trigger the release of oxytocin and other neurochemicals associated with bonding and trust. These interactions also contribute to the child's brain development, influencing emotional regulation and stress response mechanisms.
Who Is Special Time For?
So, who can benefit from Special Time? Its versatility makes it a valuable tool for parents. It is used for those with emotional challenges, behavioral issues, or simply bonding with your child. Whether your child is struggling with oppositional defiant disorder (ODD), attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), trauma, or simply needs additional emotional connection and support, Special Time, as part of Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT), offers a structured yet flexible approach to nurturing profound connections between parents and children.
By embracing the evidence-based strategies outlined above, parents can better integrate intentional, meaningful interactions that lay the foundation for a lifelong bond of trust, communication, and love, all while promoting healthy child development and enriching family relationships.
How To Do Special Time Using P.R.I.D.E
Use the acronym, P.R.I.D.E., to guide you through Special Time.
Praise: Use specific and labeled words to encourage behaviors you want to see more of.
Example: "I love how you took your time to build that block tower."
Reflect: Repeat the things your child says that you want to hear more of.
Example: Child: "I drew a truck!" Parent: "You drew a truck!"
Imitate: Let your child lead the play and follow along through imitation.
Example: Child: Digging a hole in the sand. Parent: "I'm digging a hole just like you are."
Describe: Be a commentator as your child plays to hold their attention and show that you're interested.
Example: Child: Making a road out of Play-Doh. Parent: "You're using Play-Doh to make a red road."
Use Enthusiasm: Be engaging and show them that you're excited to be doing what they're doing.
What Not to Do in Special Time
One of the secrets to Special Time is the emphasis on what not to do. I’ve been guilty of doing each one of these things at points when spending that window of time with my kids so at first I had to review this list a few times and avoid turning it into a time that promotes teaching, scaffolding, or using manners and rather, one, that is focused on us just getting closer to each other.
Avoid Correcting, Directing, or Giving Commands: Instead, actively ignore inappropriate behavior.
Don't Overwhelm with Choices: While the child should choose the activity, presenting too many options can be overwhelming. Offer a few choices that align with their interests.
Don't Ask Questions: Even if you are trying to promote learning ("how many Legos do you have?"), avoid it.
Don't Rush the Experience: Avoid rushing through Special Time. Allow the child to set the pace and fully immerse themselves in the chosen activity.
No Digital Distractions: Refrain from using electronic devices or checking phones during Special Time. Maintain full presence and engagement.
Don't Make it a Chore: Special Time should not feel like an obligation for either the parent or the child. Approach it with enthusiasm and a positive attitude.
Guidelines For Special Time
Create a Distraction-Free Environment: Find a quiet and comfortable space where you and your child can focus solely on each other without interruptions or distractions.
Set Clear Expectations: Let your child know that this time is special and that you're excited to spend it together. Explain that they get to choose the activity, and emphasize that you're there to listen and have fun.
Follow the Child's Lead: Allow your child to choose the activity they want to engage in during Special Time. It could be playing with toys, reading a book, drawing, or any other activity they enjoy. It’s about your kid so keep it child-centered play.
Engage Actively and Positively: During Special Time, actively participate in the chosen activity with enthusiasm. Show genuine interest and curiosity in what your child is doing, offering praise and encouragement.
Provide Emotional Support: Use this time to connect emotionally with your child. Ask open-ended questions about their thoughts and feelings related to the activity. Offer validation and support for their emotions.
Avoid Directing or Correcting: Special Time is about letting your child take the lead. Refrain from instructing or correcting their actions unless it's a matter of safety.
Be Fully Present: Put away distractions such as phones, work, or other concerns. Your full attention should be on your child during this dedicated time together.
Extend Positive Feedback: Offer specific positive feedback about your child's efforts, creativity, and contributions during Special Time. This fosters their sense of accomplishment and self-esteem.
Stay Flexible: While Special Time has structure, it's important to remain flexible and adapt to your child's changing interests. Be open to exploring new activities and adjusting the duration based on their engagement level.
End on a Positive Note: When Special Time comes to an end, express gratitude for the time spent together. Highlight the positive aspects of the activity and how much you enjoyed it.
Consistency Matters: Regularly incorporate Special Time into your routine to build a sense of predictability for your child. Consistency reinforces the emotional connection and the positive impact of the activity.
Practical Considerations For Special Time
While Special Time doesn't have to happen with anything beyond basic toys in your living room, here are some ideas for other activities and environments to incorporate:
Creative Play
Outdoor Adventures
Story Time
Puzzle and Board Games
Cooking Together
Music and Dance
Nature Exploration
Building Forts
Indoor Obstacle Course
Dress-Up Time
Tea Party or Picnic
Science Experiments
Build Models and Legos
Stargazing
Gardening
FAQ
1. What age range is suitable for Special Time?
Special Time can be adapted for children of various ages but it is typically toddlers to school-age children.
2. What if I have more than one child?
Special Time should be done individually with each child. This allows for personalized attention and tailored activities that cater to each child's interests.
3. How long should a session of Special Time be?
A session of Special Time can range from 5 to 20 minutes, depending on the child's age and attention span. It's more about the quality of engagement rather than the duration.
4. What if my child loses interest or resists during Special Time?
It's normal for children to have moments of disinterest or resistance. Stay patient and flexible. Gently explore their feelings, adjust the activity if needed, or consider taking a short break and returning to it later.
5. How often should I incorporate Special Time into our routine?
Aim for incorporating Special Time at least four times a week, adjusting based on your family's schedule. Regularity is important, even if sessions are shorter. Consistency helps build a sense of connection and reinforces positive interactions.
6. What if my child has difficulties communicating?
Special Time can help improve communication skills. If your child struggles with communication, engage in activities that don't require extensive conversation, such as playing with toys or engaging in creative activities.
9. Can Special Time help with challenging behaviors?
Yes, Special Time can have a positive impact on behavior. By nurturing the parent-child bond and providing a safe space for expression, it can contribute to improved behavior and emotional regulation.
10. Can Special Time be done with both parents?
Absolutely. In fact, involving both parents enhances the child's experience. Special Time with each parent offers unique interactions and reinforces the child's sense of connection and security.
What I Do
My wife, a psychologist who underwent a P.C.I.T. training seminar at Harvard, was the first to teach me about Special Time. When I first heard of the concept I chalked it up to being one of those fluffy terms used in positive parenting circles. Then she spoke about the evidence and her experiences using it at work and I was intrigued. Then I started using it more at home and I was hooked.
While spending undivided one-on-one time with my kids has never been an issue, the hard part for me was curbing my tendencies to ask questions, offer choices, and direct the play sessions with my kids. It was an uphill battle to bite my tongue but it gave me some insight into how therapy-based I am in my interactions, likely thanks to my background as an occupational therapist.
Given the ages of our kids, most of this time is spent as we’re playing Legos, cooking together, dancing, and reading together. Right now our Special Time is informally integrated into our day-to-day interactions with each of our children. If there are a string of days when their behavioral concerns are more erratic then I try to dedicate more structured one-on-one Special Time with them to help manage those behaviors.
Takeaway
Special Time, a core component of Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT), has proven itself as a valuable tool for parents seeking to foster deep connections with their children while nurturing healthy development. Initially met with skepticism, the evidence-based foundations of Special Time quickly turned me into a believer. It's not just a parenting trend; it's a scientifically grounded approach that underscores the importance of undivided attention, emotional connectivity, and secure parent-child attachment.
The science behind Special Time and PCIT is robust, with research demonstrating its effectiveness in addressing a range of emotional and behavioral concerns, from childhood depression to trauma. Furthermore, it aligns with attachment theory, highlighting the profound impact of early parent-child relationships on emotional and social development. By following the guidelines, avoiding common pitfalls, and embracing Special Time with enthusiasm and consistency, parents can unlock its potential to create lasting bonds of trust, communication, and love with their children. Whether there are behavioral challenges or simply a desire to strengthen the parent-child relationship, Special Time, rooted in evidence-based strategies, offers a pathway to enriched family connections and the promotion of healthy child development.
This article was reviewed by Courtney Comly, PsyD.
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