August 2024
My kids focusing on the minutae of the beach in the expanse of nature.
The Dark Side of Your Heroes
As I watched Michael Jordan's The Last Dance, I couldn’t help but feel bad for him. Sure, he might be the greatest basketball player of all time, but he achieved that through a mindset fueled by anger and obsession. His drive wasn’t just about winning—it was about proving people wrong, quelling the inner turmoil through sheer dominance on the court. While that tactic worked for him in the W column, there's no doubt that this mindset remains at bay when he's off the court.
I felt something similar when I was in my Lance Armstrong obsession phase in high school and read It’s Not About the Bike. The same pattern emerged when I recently read Andre Agassi’s memoir Open. Then there’s Tiger Woods, Serena Williams, Mike Tyson, and countless others—athletes who reached the pinnacle of their fields but at what cost?
Yes, genetics and talent play a role, but there’s a darker undercurrent many of the top performers come from environments riddled with trauma. Abuse—whether physical, psychological, or even sexual—is a common thread. This relentless drive to excel isn’t born from balance or happiness but from a need to overcome, to bury pain, and to channel it into a singular focus.
This phenomenon isn’t exclusive to sports. Look at the Elon Musk's of the business world, the Hollywood elites, and the influencers chasing endless validation on social media. We're captivated and impressed because they mastered a specific skill, becoming outliers in a niche field. But what we don’t see is the immense cost of that mastery. What did they give up to be the best? In most cases, it’s everything else—relationships, health, peace of mind. They traded holistic well-being for the narrow pursuit of perfection in one area.
It’s often said, “Don’t meet your heroes—you’ll just be disappointed.” We project our own idealized images onto them which makes us believe that their public persona is a complete reflection of their true self, a psychological term called the halo effect. We desperately hope that the answer to "Are they really as nice in person as they seem?" is a positive one. But when you meet them outside of their element, you often see the cracks in their persona. Go a step further: read their biographies. In every one I’ve read, I’ve never once wished to trade lives with the person. It’s not that my life is perfect, but it's that theirs resembles a seesaw—the sacrifices weighing down one seat to achieve a pinnacle on the opposite one. Or, as Muhammad Ali put it,
"Sacrifice is the price of greatness."
Achieving greatness always requires sacrifice, but where do we draw the line? At what point does the pursuit of a singular goal become so consuming that everything else fades to black and white?
Maybe all the sacrifice is worth it, as countless gold medalists, billionaires, politicians, and superstars might argue, at least before they get to their deathbed. Perhaps it brings the pinnacle of joy, making the sacrifices—both in their own eyes and in the eyes of those around them—worthwhile. But maybe, just maybe, it doesn't.
"The people you envy or admire are rarely as happy as you think they are." --Naval Ravikant
“Fame is a form of attention and attention is not happiness.” --Tim Ferris
“I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it’s not the answer.” --Jim Carrey
“Fame is the best drug that’s ever existed. But once you get it, you’re addicted. And once you’re addicted, it’s very, very difficult to survive.” --Lady Gaga
“The higher up I go, for some reason, the less happy I am.” --Dave Chappelle
In chasing greatness, many of these figures lose the things that most of us take for granted: joy, balance, meaningful relationships, and not needing to fill a bottomless void. While it's not true for all of those at the tip of the pyramid, it is a reflection of the complexity of the human species. The real question isn’t whether you could be them, but whether you’d actually want to be.
Brian
Stuff of the Month
Mind
Body
Dad
The Growth Kit (Podcast)
Find the full list of episodes here. Follow The Growth Kit on Instagram. Subscribe to your favorite podcast player (Spotify, Apple). And please leave a review!
From One Year Ago
Best of the Month
Here are some of my favorite things of the month.
Quote
"I really just try to think as much as I can in terms of these four fundamentals: Am I sleeping enough? Am I getting enough time to myself? Am I deeply connected with the people I love? Am I making fairly healthy choices in my body? If you get that right, I think a lot of things work out."
Podcast
7 Strategies To Address ADHD by The Doctor’s Farmacy (Dr. Mark Hyman)
From the description:
Everything we do affects the brain
A case study of a patient I treated who had an ADHD diagnosis
Getting to the root cause of disease
Nutritional deficiencies and ADHD
Immune and inflammatory imbalances in ADHD
Food sensitivity, gluten intolerance, and ADHD
Digestive imbalance and ADHD
Detoxification imbalance and ADHD
My 7 strategies to address ADHD and broken brains
Book
Beyond Training: Mastering Endurance, Health, & Life by Ben Greenfield
This book was my holy grail when I was going deep into racing 10 years ago and it stands the test of time as I still use these tactics. It provides insights for both extreme athletes and those looking to simply improve their fitness. From maximizing workout efficiency to enhancing mental performance, and from optimizing recovery to maintaining a healthy diet and lifestyle, it provides practical advice and strategies to achieve peak physical and mental well-being.
Product
Branch Basics
Did you know that using standard cleaning supplies can damage your lungs? Researchers discovered that individuals who consistently used these conventional products for a long period (10-20 years) had lungs the equivalent of a smoker who inhaled 20 cigarettes a day. It’s thought this is because the chemicals damage the mucous membranes that line the airways.
We have used Branch Basics throughout the house for years. Here’s why:
Plant-Based Ingredients: Branch Basics cleaners are formulated with plant-derived ingredients, avoiding harsh chemicals.
Concentrated Formula: A single concentrate makes multiple cleaning solutions by diluting with water, reducing packaging waste. (It lasts a loooong time.)
Versatile Cleaning: One concentrate tackles various cleaning tasks throughout the home, simplifying your cleaning routine.
Eco-Conscious Choice: Branch Basics avoids phosphates, dyes, and other pollutants, making it a more sustainable option.
They also came out with dishwasher tablets which we now use as well. Check them out below and get $10 off your first purchase.
Things I’ve Learned
Mind
Untranslatable
I just discovered Untranslatable which is an online dictionary of expressions and idioms that native speakers all over the world contribute to. Here are some examples:
wegbier (way beer) • The last beer before leaving the pub. One for the road.
alà bigol: When you have to tell somebody they're not doing something very well.
życie to nie bajka: (life's no fairytale) • It means life it's not easy and doesn't always go as planned.
If you find these as funny and fascinating as I do, check out this article I wrote on 50 Interesting Words That Don’t Have An English Equivalent.
Healthy, Reacting, Injured, or Ill?
Walking Through First Class: The Poverty Paradox
Researchers analyzed 1,500-4,000 air rage incidents on 1-5 million flights. They discovered that the presence of a first-class cabin increased the likelihood of air rage incidents in the economy cabin by almost four times. Boarding through first class also doubled the occurrence of air rage episodes in economy, leading to what researchers termed "The Poverty Parade." Additionally, visible inequality affected first-class passengers, with incidents of air rage in that cabin increasing nearly 12-fold when all passengers boarded through first class.
Body
Climb > 5 Flights of Stairs for < ASCVD
Teeth Grinding May Be Due to a Micronutrient Deficiency
Feeling stressed? You might clench or grind your teeth at night, a condition called bruxism. But there's more to the story according to this review. Low levels of certain vitamins and minerals, like vitamin D, magnesium, and omega-3 fatty acids, can actually make teeth grinding worse. Why? Because these deficiencies make your nervous system more jumpy and your muscles more tense, especially under stress. To make matters worse, stress can also zap your body of these very nutrients, creating a vicious cycle.
The good news is that personalized supplementation with these micronutrients may be able to help you manage stress and anxiety, protect your brain cells from stress damage, and calm your nervous system's overall response to stress.
Take action: Start by talking to your doctor to see if you can be assessed for any deficiencies or insufficiencies. These 3—vitramin D, magnesium, and omega-3 fatty acids—are part of my near-daily supplementation for reasons that go well beyond teeth grinding. Learn what I take here.
Weight Loss & Nutraceuticals
Dad
The Case for Working a Minimum Wage Job
The Financial Samurai explores the impact of working minimum wage jobs on entitlement and gratitude in his article, Spoiled Or Clueless? Try Working Minimum Wage Jobs. Working such jobs, he argues, fosters social skills, work ethic, empathy, and financial discipline, while providing valuable life lessons about fairness and appreciation.
Recognize ACE’s in Your (& Your Children’s) Environment
The CDC-Kaiser Permanente ACE study, conducted between 1995 and 1997, involved over 17,000 participants from Southern California and aimed to investigate the relationship between childhood adversity and later-life health outcomes. ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences) encompass abuse, neglect, and household challenges. The ones that are often front of mind are sexual abuse, physical abuse, and substance abuse, however, some less obvious ones include parental separation or divorce, living with someone who has a mental illness, having a family member rarely make you feel like you're important, and a family member swearing at you or putting you down.
Nearly two-thirds of participants reported at least one ACE and over 20% reported three or more ACEs.
Living under these conditions creates toxic stress which “can negatively affect children’s brain development, immune systems, and stress-response systems. These changes can affect children’s attention, decision-making, and learning.” They are also linked to negative health outcomes such as STIs, diabetes, depression, anxiety, traumatic brain injuries, and fractures.
What to do: These ACEs impact a wide-reaching area of a child’s development and health. As a result, there’s no single approach to reduce the risk or manage the issues. I recommend checking out the Resources for Action on the CDC site for specific actions.
A Birthday Interview Form
I recently found this Birthday Interview Form from Research Parent which includes questions for your child to answer each year on their birthday. I immediately put it in my calendar on my kids ’ birthdays to do with them on a yearly basis.