The Family Firm: 3 Takeaways
“Toddler discipline is, really, parental discipline. Breathe. Take a second.”
-Emily Oster
Emily Oster is the author of the 3-part book series, ParentData, which includes Expecting Better: Why the Conventional Pregnancy Wisdom Is Wrong--and What You Really Need to Know and Cribsheet: A Data-Driven Guide to Better, More Relaxed Parenting, from Birth to Preschool.
In her newest book, The Family Firm: A Data-Driven Guide to Better Decision Making in the Early School Years, she draws on the same data-driven approach that made her other books so popular. She uses her background as a teacher of economics to capacity as she disseminates the research behind a variety of topics throughout the book. The book itself is geared toward parents of kids in the 5-12-year-old range covering topics that include sleep-away camps, social media, nutrition, homework, and the hot topic of redshirting.
As an overly logical person, I love her ability to identify a topic and specific issues in the topic, comb through the research (and break down the good vs. the bad/limited research), and then provide data-driven takeaways. The information has the potential to be dense and boring but she does a seamless job of providing the meat of the research followed by the practical implications and adding in some self-deprecation and humor along the way.
Redshirting
Redshirting, a term taken from college sports, is when you postpone a kid's start of school (typically kindergarten) for a year if they're toeing the cutoff line. Greenshirting is when you enroll them early. This question of whether to redshirt a child looms large when the time comes for those kids who are on the cut-off. Some schools have hard lines as to whether this is allowed but, for those with a choice, there is some research to help decide.
To begin, Oster first considers questions that can't be found on Pubmed. Is the kid in class with a sibling? What did your friends do with their kids and what impact did you notice? How will it impact your family immediately with the change in logistics?
Then she dives deep into the literature. She resurfaces with points to consider instead of a clear-cut answer as to whether you should redshirt your kid or not which the research doesn't provide.
The effects of starting school early:
Less childcare expenses at younger ages
Children enter the workforce earlier by graduating sooner
More likely to be diagnosed with ADHD. This is likely due to the comparison between kids who are younger and less able to sit still than their older classmates.
Perform better on military tests
Worse on school performance
More likely to repeat an early grade (kindergarten, first, second) which may just be due to the parent changing their mind.
The effects of redshirting:
Lower odds of ADHD diagnosis
Better test scores
In conclusion, Oster states, "It seems problematic, on average, to be the youngest in a class."
2. Kids & Sleep
Preschoolers need about 10-13 hours of sleep a night while school-age kids need 9-11 and teens need 8-10. The actual numbers of sleep fall short of the recommendations which have been declining over time. Relative to the hours in a day, this 2-3 hour discrepancy between kids is significant. Some kids just plainly need much more sleep than others.
So, it's the parent’s job to determine the optimal number for the individualized needs of their kid. To do that, look at these indicators:
Signs of a well-rested kid.
Not sleeping in late on weekends
They take 15 minutes to fall asleep (falling asleep too quickly can mean they're sleep deprived)
They're not sleeping during the day
Strategies to get kids to sleep more
Move sleep time up
Move the bedtime back if they take a while to fall asleep
Teach them about the importance of sleep. Give them evidence and discuss their emotions, performance, etc. on well-rested vs. sleep-deprived days.
Three more recommendations from me:
Have a "wind down" routine before bed. Maybe it's reading, meditating (I know a bit of a stretch with teens), or just hanging out on the couch as a family.
Avoid screens and artificial lights before bed. No TVs in the bedrooms and plug phones, tablets, etc. outside of the bedroom
Mirror what you want. If you want your kids to go to bed early but you're staying up late they won't be as receptive.
Note what you do in the hours before sleep and how it has an impact.
Read about 8 behavior changes to improve sleep
3. Screens & The Wall Concept
Oster has a refreshingly balanced approach to screens and some interesting ways to think about it. She says that "screens are not like cigarettes, not all of them are bad."
Not only is the research on screen time limited but it's flawed. There's no explicit answer to whether screens are good or bad (and be wary of anyone who gives you that binary answer). The biggest question isn't yay or nay but "what's the opportunity cost?" Using a screen means less time doing something else.
She suggests using a "wall concept analysis." If your kid is in the corner of the room just staring at a wall then they're not doing other things (duh). Now, substitute “phone” for “wall.” If your kid is in the corner of the room then they're not playing with other kids outside, cooking, doing their homework, or sleeping. Staring at a wall (or screen) isn't all bad though. It can provide time to rest, learn, reflect, etc. This can all be healthy if the opportunity cost is weighed.
"There's no substitute here, or in parenting in general, for paying attention to what is going on with your kid. Some kids struggle with social media, some do not. Just as some will struggle with food or video games or television or friends. And some will hugely benefit from it and find an online community that they really connect to. And sustains them for a difficult age. There's no substitute for thinking."
That being said, she gives a good rule of thumb for too much screen time. If your kids are happier or better behaved when the screens are off then you should probably limit them.
