Why Kids Need Life Skills (& How to Teach Them) With Katie Kimball
“First, we do dangerous things with our kid, then near our kid, and then the kid alone - that's our process for letting go and building independence.”
—Katie Kimball
Katie Kimball is a passionate advocate for raising healthy eaters, but her mission extends far beyond the kitchen. As the founder of Kids Cook Real Food and Kitchen Stewardship, Katie empowers families to raise independent, confident children through the practice of life skills. In this interview, we delve into the importance of life skills for children, how to navigate different age groups, and the practical application of Katie's philosophy of "requiring the work, not the results."
Katie argues that life skills are crucial for building children's confidence and self-esteem. By involving them in age-appropriate tasks, we not only foster a sense of responsibility but also equip them with the tools they need to navigate the world independently. Join us as we explore Katie's insights on raising capable, self-assured young people who are ready to take on the world.
5 Questions for Katie Kimball of Kids Cook Real Food
1. Why is it important for children to learn life skills, and what are the benefits of instilling this independence in kids compared to those who rely heavily on parents or caregivers?
It's important because first of all it raises their confidence to have authentic tasks for them to complete and they have agency in the world to do stuff themselves instead of relying on others all the time. Those things are important to their development and self-esteem.
Also, kids play at work so it's part of their play to learn the tasks adults do, yet while they're young, and it prevents them from having to learn them all at once when adults and potentially drowning.
Sharing responsibility teaches kids to think outside themselves. It increases anxiety in children to be entirely reliant on others to do everything for them.
2. What changes have you noticed in children's ability to do these life stills over the years?
Kids have always been capable. We just aren't teaching them.
In general, our culture, this generation and possibly one generation back, hasn't really taught their kids life skills, so it's not about capability really, but children being asked and trained. So people now are seeing a trend in young adults unable to do many skills and they're floundering and their anxiety is sky high because they are not taught skills and not asked to use those skills. If you start teaching life skills before age 5 or 6, you get less push back, less whining, and more willingness to be helpful. And the whole family runs better.
My kids have obviously been taught quite young and their teachers see them as more mature, as leaders and as harder workers compared to their peers and it's very clear they are more able to take care of themselves and others. My soon-to-be 16-year-old daughter just got a job at a daycare over some 20-year-olds. In 20 minutes, interviewers could see something in her that they didn't see in the older candidates. And when she did job shadowing, it was so obvious she didn't have her phone out and was being with the kids and the others (already employed) weren't engaging with the kids at all but paying attention to their phones.
3. I heard you say, "Require the work, not the results." Talk about this and how we can use it practically as parents.
The analogy would be kids learning multiplication tables. We don't say "By Wednesday you need to have them all down." That wouldn't be fair. But if you tell them they must practice 10 minutes per day, the goal will eventually be reached. Similarly, we might not say, "You need to be able to cook a meal by yourself by next week" but you could say, "We're going to involve you in the kitchen and you need to be helpful in the kitchen 3 times a week every week." We don't want to expect unreasonable outcomes and set them up for failure.
This thought process could apply to mental health as well. Instead of an expectation of "you must be happy all the time" in my family we ask "tell me three things you're grateful for" and the improved mental health will come as a result of the gratitude practice.
4. How do you determine which life skills to prioritize at different stages of a child's development? How do you know if it's too soon?
Any kid can learn to dust. But they might not dust thoroughly at age 2, and you can expect a different level at age 12. You roll with their interest first, try it! Parents are often very surprised by what children can do with that interest.
5. How should parents adjust their methods considering the broad range of ages, from toddlers to teenagers, when teaching these skills?
Really, the only difference is you move kids faster through the process and let them go farther toward independence so the apron strings are let out longer.
The steps are:
Demonstrate
Guide
Coach to independence
Show them, do it with them, and then have them do it near you. If you teach a 2-year-old to use a butter knife, it will be years before they're using a chef's knife. If you start at 15 years old, it will be a week. Time is just compressed.
I don't know if you've seen my latest email about my youngest son, Gabe, riding his bicycle to school. We've had some challenges with that activity, but he's ready for that independence now.
First, we do dangerous things with our kid, then near our kid, and then the kid alone - that's our process for letting go and building independence.
How many 15-year-olds and 19-year-olds can run a household for a week? My husband and I left for a week both this summer and last, and the household of 4 kids ran without us, successfully. We can do that because we've trained them to handle meals, organize schedules, and other parts of running a household, not by surprising them with it one day out of the blue.
Virtual Summer Camp, eBooks, and More
If you like Katie’s philosophy when it comes to parenting, I recommend you check out her site. Kids Cook Real Food. where she has downloadable ebooks and other resources.
My son and I are also signed up to be a part of her third annual Life Sills Now virtual summer camp. It runs from June 24-28th, it has 13 workshops, and it’s free! You can sign up here or on the button below.
