The Surprising Benefits of Family Dinners (& the Minimum Effective Dose)
"There is no doubt that it is around the family and the dinner table that we find the deepest and most meaningful connections to others."
—Judith Viorst
Sit around a table with your family, eat food, and talk. It sounds simple enough yet only about 30% of families actually have family dinners. In the hustle and bustle of modern life, family dinners often stand as a neglected tradition despite 84% of parents agreeing that family meals are important.
As a steadfast advocate for the family dinner, rooted in my parents' rituals and cherished memories, I've discovered that the benefits extend far beyond tradition. Delving into research reveals family dinners as a cornerstone for building robust family bonds and creating stress-lowering environments. Beyond the obvious advantages, surprising benefits include improved relationships and lower risks of obesity, disordered eating habits, suicide, risky behavior, and enhanced job satisfaction for parents.
Unveiling the minimum effective dose for positive outcomes (3 times a week), I'll also share strategies to overcome common obstacles and create an environment where families eagerly come together.
Join me as we discuss the decline, decode the reasons, and celebrate the profound significance of family dinners—from the expected to the surprising.
The Decline Of Family Dinners
Over the past two decades, a notable transformation has occurred in American households, signified by a 33% decline in the frequency of family dinners. This shift in family dynamics is underscored by a recent YouGov poll, revealing that a substantial 62% of parents with children under 18 express a longing for family dinners "much more often" or "somewhat more often." This decline holds implications for familial connections and well-being, as shared meals often serve as crucial moments for bonding and communication.
Simultaneously, there has been a remarkable change in consumer behavior regarding food expenses. Americans now allocate a higher percentage of their food budget to restaurants (50.3%) than to groceries (49.7%). This shift reflects a significant departure from traditional home-cooked meals to the convenience and experience of dining out. The roots of this transformation can be traced back to a pivotal moment in culinary history—the invention of the TV dinner in 1953 by C. A. Swanson & Sons.
This frozen, pre-packaged meal marked a departure from traditional cooking, offering a quick and easy alternative that resonated with the evolving lifestyles of post-war America. The introduction of TV dinners not only symbolized a shift in how meals were prepared and consumed but also contributed to shaping the contemporary landscape of family dining habits, emphasizing convenience and flexibility in food choices.
Why Are Family Dinners So Important?
We humans are social creatures and our ancestors have traversed the annals of evolution, cultivating deep bonds through shared experiences, and none quite as fundamental as the act of communal eating.
This communal act of sharing a meal is a thread that binds us to our roots, an evolutionary legacy that extends beyond mere sustenance. Our forebearers, who gathered around communal fires, passed along wisdom and stories, or shared the day's catch, unknowingly laid the foundation for a practice that transcends generations.
This inclination is deeply ingrained in our DNA and woven into the fabric of our existence. Our bodies and minds crave the connection forged through shared meals, whether we realize it or not.
Note: It’s worth noting that the studies I’m about to mention should not be meant to imply that family dinners are a panacea for all of life’s issues and that sitting at the table with the family will create rainbows and butterflies. While these studies reveal noteworthy correlations, it's essential to note that correlation does not imply causation. In other words, while there is a connection between engaging in family dinners and the positive outcomes highlighted, it does not assert a direct cause-and-effect relationship.
1. Healthier Relationship With Food
One consistent observation found with family dinners is the quality of the food and the relationship we have with it.
A 2011 meta-analysis of 180,000 children and adolescents across 17 studies found that “The frequency of shared family meals is significantly related to nutritional health in children and adolescents.” Specifically, they found that family dinners (considered to be home-cooked meals with at least one parent present) are associated with children and adolescents having a:
12% reduction in the likelihood of obesity
35% reduction in disordered eating habits
20% reduction in eating unhealthy foods
24% increase in the chances of eating healthy foods
2. Less Risky Behavior, Fewer Behavioral Concerns
Exploring the relationship between family meals and mental health unveils a promising avenue for reducing behavioral concerns in children and adolescents.
A 2015 systematic review of studies examining the effects of frequent family meals on psychosocial outcomes in children and adolescents found an inverse association with disordered eating, substance use, violent behavior, and feelings of depression or suicide.
Another 2018 longitudinal study supported this, finding that higher family meal environment quality at age 6 was associated with increased general fitness and reduced soft drink consumption, physical aggression, oppositional behavior, nonaggressive delinquency, and reactive aggression at age 10. These associations remained significant even after adjusting for child and family characteristics, including sex, temperament problems, cognitive abilities, baseline BMI, family configuration, functioning, maternal education, depression, and BMI.
A separate study found that frequent family meals showed a positive relationship between increased self-esteem and school success. The results revealed that regular family meals play a protective role in mental health. Specifically, individuals with two regular family meals experienced a 25% lower risk of these common mental health disorders—such as mood, anxiety, and substance abuse disorders—while those with one regular family meal had a 13% lower risk, both compared to those with no regular family meals.
Finally, a survey by CASAColumbia revealed that teenagers who engaged in frequent family dinners (5-7 times per week) experienced better relationships with their parents and lower stress levels. On the contrary, teens who had fewer than 3 family dinners were:
Nearly triple the likelihood of marijuana use
Twice as likely to engage in alcohol consumption
2.5 times more likely to use tobacco
Twice as likely to express an expectation of trying drugs in the future
3. Psychological Benefits: Less Stress, More Mattering
Family dinners go beyond the physical act of eating together; they serve as a crucial opportunity for connection. And even if they may not always show it (and they’ll probably never ask for it), 24% of teenagers express a desire for more frequent family dinners.
Furthermore, research indicates that strong social ties, fostered through activities like family dinners, contribute to a 50% lower risk of death compared to those with weaker social connections. Human connection triggers the release of oxytocin, a powerful hormone that counteracts the effects of the stress hormone cortisol. This hormonal balance promotes better parasympathetic activation, also known as "rest, digest, and repair," allowing for improved digestion, nutrient absorption, and less stress. This parasympathetic activation literally allows you to break down food and absorb nutrients better whereas the “fight or flight” mode of the sympathetic nervous system does the opposite. Most parents can attest to this as 91% said that their families were less stressed when they ate meals together regularly, according to a 2022 survey by the American Health Association.
In the hustle of our daily lives, we get very good at going from 0 to 100 but our ability to go from 100 to relaxed tends to be weak at best. Family dinners provide an ideal setting to achieve this transition, allowing both kids and adults (yes, even the ones cooking) to unwind and feel a sense of calm and relaxation as well as a sense of importance and belonging.
Creating a space where children feel seen and heard during family dinners becomes one of the most impactful gifts parents can offer.
Allowing this ritualized and relaxed togetherness shifts our mindset which then shifts the way our brain and body function into a place that aligns with our evolutionary roots. As I’ve written about in The Secret of Happy People, when you’re with others you like you laugh louder at shows and movies but, on the flip side, there’s a reason that you’ve never had a great meal while you were in an argument at dinner.
Socialization, mood, enjoyment, satisfaction, safety, and happiness are all interconnected. Shared family meals are the perfect opportunity to augment them all.
4. Improves Job Satisfaction
Amidst the potential chaos reminiscent of a movie (I’m thinking Home Alone), adhering to a routine of family dinners not only reduces stress but also contributes to lower stress and even improved job satisfaction.
Researchers set out to find out just how impactful family dinners were on people’s jobs, even when they worked longer hours. In a survey of 1,580 IBM employees who are parents, those who came home from work later had increased stress if they didn’t make their family dinners whereas those who did make it home in time for the family dinner felt they worked in a healthy work environment. This study also found that women who made it home for the evening meal experienced a sense of improved work-family balance even when working up to 60 hours a week so long as work didn’t disrupt dinner time.
5. Stronger Families
The biggest benefit of the shared meal may be that you get to keep your finger on the pulse of what's going on with your family. Sometimes stressors and problems won't come up organically when you're passing each other in the hall or scrambling to get out the door in the morning or even watching a TV show. The dinner table creates a dedicated space and positive environment conducive to meaningful sharing.
This helps build communication, trust, and support; essential aspects of a strong family.
The Minimum Effective Dose Of Family Dinners
Based on the surprising amount of data on shared family meals, it’s easy to come to a general consensus on what moves the needle when it comes to breaking bread at the table.
The minimum effective dose of shared family meals is 3 per week to have positive impacts on health and well-being.
While research suggests that 5-7 family dinners per week is associated with the most significant benefits, particularly for teenagers, consistently getting shared (and screen-free) table time with your family 3 times a week is a good goal to strive for.
That being said, here are some other important factors:
Any regular family meals are better than none, and even occasional meals can contribute positively.
These meals do not have to be limited to dinner as breakfast or lunch still show positive benefits, they’re just less common so they’re not a focus in the literature.
To be a family meal it should be screen-free with at least one parent.
How To Have Better Family Dinners
Here are some strategies to have better family dinners.
Put Away The Devices
As Shawn Stevenson, author of Eat Smarter Family Cookbook, says, devices are divisive. Screens are a culture picture but they don’t have to be a part of your dinner.
Research has shown that the healthy food eating benefits of family dinners fall apart when there’s a TV on. One study found that when the television is off, there's a higher chance of serving fruits (increased by 14%) or vegetables (increased by 15%). On the flip side, for each night the TV is on during dinner, the likelihood of serving fruits decreases by 5%, and vegetables decreases by 6%.
Another study found that 40% of adults reported using their during meals, which was linked to lower positive feeding practices like modeling and family food environment, and increased negative practices such as emotional regulation and pressure to eat. Additionally, mobile phone use was associated with a lower frequency of daily family breakfast and dinner.
Overcome The Obstacles
Some of the biggest reasons for the lack of home-cooked meals, often at the root of these dinners (although the occasional eating in or eating out route is okay) is different schedules, too many distractions, and not enough time to prepare meals.
Different schedules: Shared family meals don’t have to be restricted to dinners. If late work nights and ballet classes are getting in the way of sitting together, then make breakfasts or weekend lunches a designated time for family meals. While the late night at work and the ballet class are going to be challenging, there are some steps you can take to hit the minimum effective dose of family dinners:
Too many distractions: Create a routine by setting a consistent schedule for dinners, making it a habitual time for everyone to gather at the table. Assign tasks, like setting the table, to create a collaborative environment. Establishing this routine minimizes distractions and fosters a sense of shared responsibility, making it a cherished habit for everyone.
Not enough time to prepare meals: Optimize time by planning and prepping meals in advance. Consider meal prepping on weekends, using simple and quick recipes, or involving family members in the cooking process to share the workload.
Befriend the pressure cooker: Invest in a pressure cooker to significantly reduce cooking time for various dishes while preserving flavor and nutritional value.
And the slow cooker: Embrace the convenience of a slow cooker, allowing you to prepare meals in the morning and return to a ready-to-eat dinner in the evening. Sometimes I’ll take it a step further and prep it all the night before, put it in the fridge (in the crockpot), and put it on in the morning to make it more seamless. Tip: If you have a pressure cooker then just use that which doubles as a slow cooker/crockpot.
Batch cook: Prepare larger quantities of meals and freeze portions for use later in the week(s). Simply double or triple the amount to have ready-to-unfreeze options for last-minute nights.
Sign up for a meal delivery kit: Explore meal delivery services that provide pre-portioned ingredients and recipes, streamlining the cooking process and making it easier to maintain family dinners amidst a hectic schedule. Some of the healthiest and most delicious meal delivery services are:
Barriers to family dinners. Source.
Make It Enjoyable
Forcing your kids to sit at the table to check the family dinner box misses the point. Make them want to come to the table.
Eat good food. Good food brings people to the table. Make it healthy, make it delicious. If you’re a terrible cook then learn. If you’re stuck in a rut of meals then get a cookbook (or find good social media follows) and experiment.
Leave out negativity. You may be tired or frustrated or rushed to get to the next extracurricular but leave the negative emotions away from the table.
Be flexible. Don’t be too strict about who helps, who eats what, or what gets spoken about at the table. Kick in that parasympathetic activation and let it all happen naturally.
Gratitude Practices: Incorporate gratitude into meals, encouraging each family member to express something they’re thankful for.
Music: Let one person choose the dinner music for the night and rotate each time.
Play games: Play age-appropriate games such as:
One-word story: Begin with a word and each person adds another, building a collaborative story word by word.
Would you rather?: Pose fun dilemmas like "Would you rather have wings or super strength?" and see where the discussion takes you.
I Spy: One person chooses an object in the room and says "I spy with my little eye..." Everyone guesses until they get it right.
Rose, Bud, Thorn: Each person shares a highlight, a hope, and a challenge from their day.
Three L’s: When did you laugh? What did you learn? How did you love someone else? (This is taken from Katie Kimball of Kitchen Stewardship)
Considerations For Children With Special Needs
Have something on the table to eat that everyone likes (but don’t be a short-order cook)
For kids who have explosive reactions or difficulty adjusting to new situations, be flexible and let them ease into it by having them help set the table and then leave to play or allow them to sit for shorter periods.
Give kids choices. Where do you want to sit? What job do you want to do?
Use a visual timer to encourage everyone to sit for a minimum amount of time.
Model consistency with the meal. This goes for young children to resistant teens. Don’t drag them to the table (especially pre-teens and teens) or threaten them with consequences but continue to invite them.
If you want more help with having better family dinners then I highly recommend looking at The Family Dinner Project’s site. The Family Dinner Project, a non-profit promoting the power of shared meals, empowers families to connect, laugh, and learn around the table with a treasure trove including budget-friendly recipes, conversation starters, fun games, and expert tips for making mealtimes the highlight of your day.
Takeaway
While family dinners are declining, their importance for physical and mental health, as well as family bonding, remains undeniable. Implementing strategies to overcome obstacles and create enjoyable mealtimes can contribute significantly to individual and family well-being. Aim to have a minimum of 3 shared meals each week to reap some of these possible benefits:
Healthier eating habits: Increased intake of fruits and vegetables, reduced consumption of unhealthy foods, and lower risk of obesity and disordered eating.
Improved mental health: Reduced risk of substance use, violent behavior, depression, and suicidal thoughts; increased self-esteem and school success.
Stronger relationships with parents: Better communication, increased trust and support, and a sense of belonging.
Lower stress and risk of risky behaviors: Research suggests lower stress levels and reduced likelihood of engaging in risky behaviors like marijuana use, alcohol consumption, and tobacco use.
Reduced stress and death risk: Family dinners promote relaxation, a sense of belonging, and social connection, which can lower stress and reduce the risk of death.
Improved job satisfaction: Research suggests that family dinners can contribute to a better work-family balance and even improve job satisfaction.
Stronger family relationships: Family dinners provide a dedicated time for communication, fostering trust and support within the family unit.
Improved communication and bonding: Shared meals provide a space for families to connect, share stories, and build stronger relationships.
Learning opportunities: Family dinners can be used to teach children about nutrition, table manners, and life skills.
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