“Waste no more time arguing what a

good man should be. Be one.”

-Marcus Aurelius

The art of fatherhood changes on a day-to-day basis.  While the target is always moving, the job is always the same: foster kids who are resilient, confident, and kind.   Good dads do this well.  Great dads do this better. What separates the two are the characteristics of a great dad laid out below.

Being a dad is the most important job we will ever have which is even more of a reason to be great at it.  Every dad falls somewhere on that bell curve measuring the quality of his abilities. Parenting is more of an art than a science so a true scale for ranking dads will never be worth using or worth creating. Every child needs a different type of dad and every dad should adapt to that.

So what are the characteristics of a great dad?  Being great at anything is a combination of effort and discipline to become better.  When either of these stops becoming a focus then the skill is no longer being developed and you run right into that plateau.

While there is no formula, checklist, or formal training to be a great dad there are characteristics that all great dads have.  

What makes a dad a great dad?

1. He Has A Growth Mindset

A great dad never stops improving.  He has a growth mindset–believing that hard work makes you better.  Great dads embrace the difficult, seek learning opportunities, and look at failure as a chance to get better.  On the other hand, a dad with a fixed mindset believes that the skills he was born with are the ones he'll die with.  He avoids challenges and cowers to criticism.  

2. He Gets On The Floor With His Kids

A great dad enters the world of his kids.  He gets down on the floor and embraces their play environment.  He seeks out eye-to-eye contact to better connect with his kid.  This shows a sense of commitment to the situation.  Take it a step further.  A dad on the floor is more exciting for a kid than a new toy.  It signals play, affection, and the coveted upper hand for your kid.  Let the wrestling begin.

3. He Listens

A great dad puts his phone away when his kid is near.  He waits for them to finish the sentence they’re too excited or tired to get out of their mouth.  He faces him, makes eye contact, and supports him with a smile.  

He knows that listening begets trust and trust begets bonds. At some point down the road, his kid will wonder if he should bring a serious issue to his dad’s attention.  He’ll think back to those times his dad actually listened to him or whether he was looking at his phone instead.

4. He Scaffolds

Scaffolding is when a child engages in a task beyond their level of ability with an appropriate level of help. This grading technique is a skill requiring a lot of attention, adaptability, and instinct.   A great dad doesn’t have to be able to define scaffolding in order to foster this development.  This support can be given through instruction, demonstration, or encouragement.

Great dads can read their children and know when to jump in and when to step back.  He finds the sweet spot.

5. He Pauses Before He Reacts

Kids will push the boundaries.  They will make mistakes and challenge you.  That’s non-negotiable.  What is modifiable, however, is how you react.  

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. 

In that space is our power to choose our response. 

In our response lies our growth and our freedom”

-Attributed to Victor Frankl

A great dad pauses, breathes, and reflects.  He lets the reflexive limbic system settle down while his rational frontal lobe takes over.  This turns challenging situations into opportunities for growth.

6. He Treats His Partner With Respect

Your kid may not listen to everything you say but they will see everything you do. Telling a kid to treat others with respect is one thing, mirroring it is another.   A great dad shows his kids the way to affection, kindness, love, and respect by the way he treats his partner.  Great dads demonstrate healthy relationships.  He leads by example. 

7. He Takes Care Of Himself

A great dad takes care of himself in order to take care of his family.  He has a well-rounded lifestyle and consistently manages his six dimensions of health (nutrition, movement, stress management, relationships, sleep, and mindset). 

As a result, he has the energy to embrace the time with his kids and be their rock when they tire. He has the end game in mind to live a life that is both long and healthy.  He knows that how he lives his life now impacts that game of tag he’ll play with his grandchildren many years from now.

8. He Rolls With It

A great dad accepts that the plan in mind may not be the plan that actually happens.  Moods change, bladders get full, and flat tires happen.  Great dads simply pivot and move on.  Just as a rubber band that is stretched too taut is at the mercy of a minor stress to break it, a dad who is too rigid will easily crack when up against the inevitable whims of the world.  Life’s too short to be upset about that issue you’ll forget in a week.  

“Failed plans should not be interpreted as a failed vision.

Visions don't change, they are only refined.

Plans rarely stay the same, and are scrapped or adjusted as needed.

Be stubborn about the vision, but flexible with your plan.”

-John C. Maxwell

9. He Remembers What It’s Like To Be A Kid

A great dad remembers that being a kid can be tough.  He remembers that emotional regulation is a daily struggle. That a kid's job is to push the boundaries. That life is unfair and exhausting.

But he also remembers the best parts of being a kid and relishes in them.  The simplicity of building a fort or stacking the top block of the tower without help.  The joy of splashing in the water without a care in the world. Or scoring that first goal in soccer.

 A great dad remembers, smiles with nostalgia, and vicariously basks in it with an immeasurable level of empathy.

10. He Forgives

Dads painstakingly build the guardrails on the path of life but kids find a way to hop over. Great dads guide them back, make the moment teachable, and forgive.  Moments of leniency may be more impactful and less scarring than flashes of anger and harsh discipline. He knows when to push and when to pull.

A great dad doesn’t let grudges fester.  He rebounds. He lets a mistake be a mistake.  Nothing more, nothing less.  

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”

-Matama Gandhi

What makes you a great dad?  What else should go on this list?